The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune has become something of a live favourite, as well as having one of my favourite ever HMHB song titles. References to very obscure Moz as well as Greek mythology and goodness knows what else.

Joy Division Oven Gloves now regularly get held up by someone in the audience at live gigs. Google some YouTube live performances of the song and you may get a glimpse. Slippers (for writing on the soles of) I did expect, but these I did not. Someone’s probably even selling them by now.

Twydale’s Lament is a three-parter with a shouty rant, some spoken cynicism and a chant to fade out with. What more can you ask for?

Bogus Official is a quick one-minute-twenty thrash which could be filed under “Public Safety Announcements”, a bit like Asparagus Next Left. Probably.

Hey pop pickers, I’d aimed to leave the all-time classics until the home stretch, but an overwhelming urge just came over me to add All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit to the site. Perhaps the most famous HMHB song of all, and the one which launched a thousand replica shirts. Does anything else need to be said about this?

4AD3DCD is an early example in the long series of HMHB songs mercilessly (for it can be no other way) lampooning indie or student bands. And it’s still one of the best.

Depressed Beyond Tablets is as depressing as you’d expect from the title - as one reviewer once wrote: “I do hope it’s not too autobiographical” but it does seem personal enough that it might just be the case. The song always reminds me of 4AD3DCD, which isn’t nearly as glum.

Mate Of The Bloke (who set up the PA) is one of those songs which would sit quite comfortably on one of the earliest HMHB albums, despite being recorded fifteen years later. Old Skool! Yay!

Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo has probably been sent in to me (thanks, by the way!) by more people than any other, so it’s about time I posted it up. Great song, nothing to do with The Libertines, ‘cos Nigel said so (yeah, right). Another good modified football chant features.

Mathematically Safe is under two minutes, quotes the title half a dozen times, and yet is quite perfect. I always dreamed about meeting a girl who would regard “I wanna make you mathematically safe” as an attractive comment. Ho hum.