The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Fretwork Homework rather excellently captures the spirit of being in a band with yer college mates. More importantly, I’m extremely concerned for Lisa Dominique’s welfare, as her website doesn’t seem to have been updated since 2002. I only hope she hasn’t gone the way of that one out of Climie Fisher.

And so we bid a fond farewell to the magnificent but now completed McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt with Hedley Verityesque, which namechecks no fewer than three celebrities in their sixties, who must be taking each day as it comes (if they’re aware of the frequent consequence of getting a mention in an HMHB song). I’ve never fathomed out what might be described as “Hedley Verityesque” (a certain bowling action, perhaps?). I’m sure you’ll tell me.

I’m sitting on dozens of sets of lyrics here (thanks everyone – truly) which will all get used eventually (we’re past the halfway mark now). However, I still relish a challenge, so I managed to find a song which, remarkably, nobody had contributed, and which I could take the entire blame for. Split Single With Happy Lounge Labelmates is a fine singalong, which not for the first time, becomes a “list song” in places – or are those odd items related? Another great HMHB song title, by the way. Was “Happy Lounge” a real label? I’m sure someone will tell me.

Worried Man Blues is that rarest of things, an HMHB cover on record (although there’s a cover in most live shows). It’s an American folk song popularised by The Carter Family in 1930, although the lyrics seem to vary a little between versions (notably “Rocky Mountain Line”/”RC Mountain Line” and shackles being on either “legs” or “feet”). I’ve no idea where or what the “RC Mountain Line” is, as the only reference I can find is in the lyrics to this song! Anyway, hear the George Jones version here or watch this bluegrass version by the Stanley Brothers here:

Stavanger Töestub is a very funny pisstake of nu-/thrash/godknowswhat metal which doesn’t outstay its welcome at 24 seconds either. According to the booklet (so I’m told, as all my CDs have been up in the loft for ages), the lyrics are:
Bastard doorstep sockless stupid
Kill your laughter pain is brutal
Can’t walk properly for a fortnight
Deus Deus
Norway Reds in Bluecoat Chambers
The pain, oh Momma the pain, worse even than when I cut open
My kneecap on the freshly gritted slope and our village doctor
Cleaned out the wound with a wire brush
So now BANG BANG BANG goes my PLAN (plan plan) to woo the peg lady.
Colossal drag
Teach. Me. To. Go Barefoot.

…but of course they’re not. Nor are they “suitable for work”, as the saying goes.

She’s In Broadstairs just about completes Cammell Laird Social Club* but there are a couple of lines which are big queries, so all suggestions gratefully appreciated in the comments below. It’s not often Nigel’s references go south-east of London (Kent, Rye and the South Downs are the only other ones on Stuart’s map), so it’s a rarity.

The Trumpton Riots probably remains HMHB’s most famous song to this day. Although associated with the band’s first album Back in the DHSS nowadays, the track wasn’t on it originally, coming out as a single/EP nearer the time of the second album, Back Again in the DHSS, on which it featured in the “7-in remix” format. However, the EP version was subsequently added onto the CD release of the first album, and the song reared its head for a third time in a live version on the ACD update of the second album. Someone may want to tell me if there are any lyrical differences between the three!

Other than that, having argued about the lyrics and just about settled on a consensus when we discussed the 2003 remake of the song here, I can now present the lyrics to the original version without, I hope, too much argument ensuing. There are some tiny differences between the two. The original handwritten lyrics, which aren’t quite correct, are published here.

Paradise Lost (You’re The Reason Why) is one of the best HMHB song titles ever, and the lyrics ain’t bad either. Here it’s going to cause a little discussion because of one word, I suspect: six different people sent in the lyrics to the song, resulting in five different suggestions – doll, goal, gall, Gaul and Gaulle. Have fun.

I always thought it would be a little bit perverse to sneak in On Finding The Studio Banjo before a certain other song. So I did.

It Makes The Room Look Bigger is another one of those songs which sound fairly straightforward to transcribe, but four people sent in these lyrics and I ended up using bits from each version. A Nigel writes: “There’s always potential to find an obscure way to make [a song] a personal favourite; in this case, the lament about the lack of key fobs with the name Nigel, whether in the souvenir stall at your footy club or your favourite Welsh castle. Many of us have had this problem, despite it being one of the most popular names of mid-1963…” (but not as popular as Chris was – Ed).