About this Site
The only thing growing faster than the number of blogs on the internet is the number of blogs quoting Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics. At this rate, we’ll have a Half Man Half Biscuit lyrical event horizon about 2032 where nothing else is ever published.
Trouble is, like darts in soap operas, most of them are so wrong. So with too much time on my hands, obviously, I’ve been trying to rectify the situation, and not only build a complete set of lyrics, but actually get them right (with a lot of help from the comments and corrections of many people, for which I thank you). It originally took just over three years, then we had a new album, and… well, let’s hope the job is never finished.
Of course, these lyrics are the copyright of the songwriters, and if they have any objections to this non-profit-making site, please contact me and I’ll remove the offending material immediately.
But where should you begin? Right here:
A Beginner’s Guide to Half Man Half Biscuit
Half Man Half Biscuit have been steadily making music since the mid-eighties. Whether you’re new to the band, or catching up with them after many years, a cracking place to start is this 2011 article by Taylor Parkes on The Quietus. Go and have a read. We’ll still be here when you get back in a few minutes.
That should have given you a decent flavour of what the band is all about. But if you want more, watch this seven-minute video made as part of the “John Peel’s Record Collection” series, introduced by the great man’s wife Sheila:
On to the music!
With so many good songs to choose from, there’s no definitive place to start catching up with over 25 years of Half Man Half Biscuit. The best we can do is to point you in the direction of our own poll of favourite songs, the Lux Familiar Cup, held in 2011. But it’s a work in progress: there’s been a whole new album since then, introducing several potential contenders for any future trophy. However, it’s as good a place to start as any. Several hundred people voted the following as the top ten entries in the Half Man Half Biscuit songbook; the links take you to each song’s page on this site, where there should be a YouTube video to accompany the lyrics…
1. A Country Practice
2. For What Is Chatteris
3. Them’s The Vagaries
4. The Trumpton Riots
5. The Light At The End Of The Tunnel
6. National Shite Day
7. Turned Up Clocked On Laid Off
8. Tending The Wrong Grave For 23 Years
9. All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
10. Joy Division Oven Gloves
If you’d like your listening to involve a little less clicking, there’s a Top Twenty Half Man Half Biscuit Songs playlist on Spotify, although please note that the Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral album is not on Spotify, so several much-loved songs including A Country Practice are missing from the playlist.
For proper explanations of the varied references which make Half Man Half Biscuit’s lyrics so unique, I’ll direct you to Gez’s HMHB site, which has lots of complementary stuff to this one. And if you found the Taylor Parkes article above interesting, you might also like to read this piece by Andy von Pip.
And what about this site?
As the name implies, The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project is focused on the lyrics to the songs, but in the process it’s also become the most active discussion site on the band. Work your way through our home page if you want to see everything we’ve got to offer. In particular, it’s worth investigating:
Gig News and Reviews
Your PBRs (Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics in the real world)
HMHB Lyrics Quoted in the Media
The famous Half Man Half Biscuit Random Lyrics Generator™
Finally… buy the music!
Straight from the source, you can buy Half Man Half Biscuit CDs and other stuff at the online store of their record label Probe Plus. The music is also available at all the normal download sources too, such as iTunes, Amazon UK and eMusic. You won’t go far wrong with any of the most recent four albums, 90 Bisodol (Crimond), CSI: Ambleside, Achtung Bono and Cammell Laird Social Club.
Welcome to the world of the band of which John Peel said in 1997: “In a decently ordered society members of Half Man Half Biscuit would be routinely carried shoulder high through the streets of every city they visited.”
Chris Rand (“Chris The Siteowner”)
September 2007 – May 2013
(Disclaimer: I’m not some sort of uber-fan: you can find the real ones at any of the band’s gigs. They’re all charming people. All I have is a love for the band and limited ability in website design. Oh, and I have a friend with a son called Archie, and another with a son called Fred. I have been caught wearing a footy shirt over a jumper. I’ve bought soup in cartons. And I know who PFM are. But I do live quite near Chatteris. Which is nice. You can judge me on my musical taste by seeing what I’m currently listening to, right here.)
Feel free to link here from your own websites. Thank you to The Guardian, The Irish Times, The Quietus and Word Magazine for doing so. And all the social media mentions you can manage will help spread the word.