The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project » Cammell Laird Social Club

Bastard doorstep sockless stupid

Chris The Siteowner — Sat, 23 May 2009 13:30:19 +0000

Stavanger Töestub is a very funny pisstake of nu-/thrash/godknowswhat metal which doesn’t outstay its welcome at 24 seconds either. According to the booklet (so I’m told, as all my CDs have been up in the loft for ages), the lyrics are:
Bastard doorstep sockless stupid
Kill your laughter pain is brutal
Can’t walk properly for a fortnight
Deus Deus
Norway Reds in Bluecoat Chambers
The pain, oh Momma the pain, worse even than when I cut open
My kneecap on the freshly gritted slope and our village doctor
Cleaned out the wound with a wire brush
So now BANG BANG BANG goes my PLAN (plan plan) to woo the peg lady.
Colossal drag
Teach. Me. To. Go Barefoot.

…but of course they’re not. Nor are they “suitable for work”, as the saying goes. Thanks to Fredorrarci, Sanchez and Zertrudetrout

See lyrics to Stavanger Töestub

She’s on the Isle of Thanet

Chris The Siteowner — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:06:25 +0000

She’s In Broadstairs just about completes Cammell Laird Social Club* but there are a couple of lines which are big queries, so all suggestions gratefully appreciated in the comments below. It’s not often Nigel’s references go south-east of London (Kent, Rye and the South Downs are the only other ones on Stuart’s map), so it’s a rarity. Thanks to gNick, Sarah, Max, Steve and Neil.

See lyrics to She’s In Broadstairs

Well we’ve both seen your personalised reg plates

Chris The Siteowner — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:27:03 +0000

Paradise Lost (You’re The Reason Why) is one of the best HMHB song titles ever, and the lyrics ain’t bad either. Here it’s going to cause a little discussion because of one word, I suspect: six different people sent in the lyrics to the song, resulting in five different suggestions – doll, goal, gall, Gaul and Gaulle. Have fun. Thanks to Simon, Sketch, gNick, John A, EskimoEric and Sarah.

See lyrics to Paradise Lost (You’re The Reason Why)

It’s not like you’ve been captured by Barbary Corsairs

Chris The Siteowner — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:06:23 +0000

Ooh, HMHB play Quo. 27 Yards Of Dental Floss is a work of genius on so many levels, not least of which is the line above. And the second verse is the most Steely Dan thing to come out of England ever. Thanks to Max and Neil G

See lyrics to 27 Yards Of Dental Floss

Bowling my left-arm occasionals again

Chris The Siteowner — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:06:47 +0000

I have to confess I was inspired to add Tyrolean Knockabout when I saw this rather unbelievable object in the b3ta newsletter this afternoon. It defies belief (and as they say, “Filed in the what the fuck are Amazon selling now? category”). A bit of a filler, this track, but a chance to get the accordion out, it would appear. Thanks to EskimoEric

See lyrics to Tyrolean Knockabout

A dot com sitcom about a hip hop chip shop

Chris The Siteowner — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:43:22 +0000

Excuse me for getting a bit excited, but every now and then you come across a Half Man Half Biscuit song which you’d sort of forgotten about, and which turns out to be brilliant. And Thy Damnation Slumbereth Not fits into that category. It’s the A Country Practice or National Shite Day of Cammell Laird Social Club and it contains so many great references, I don’t know where to start. So I won’t, I’ll just let you get on with it. Thanks to EskimoEric

See lyrics to Thy Damnation Slumbereth Not

Get back in your technical area

Chris The Siteowner — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:03:39 +0000

You don’t have to like football to find The Referee’s Alphabet amusing – although it’s the sort of song only a lower-league terrace-dweller would be inspired to write. Now even more than when the song was written, umpteen million football fans are screaming “Surely a bit of controversy is part of the game’s appeal?” at the TV every Saturday night when Hansen and company drone on about wanting video replays for refs. Sorry, rant over. Great song. And one of only two Half Man Half Biscuit songs (I think) to mention an Ipswich Town player. Makes me swell with pride, it does. Thanks to (deep breath) Jon F, Paul, gNick and Mr Larrington.

See lyrics to The Referee’s Alphabet

Squid yes, not so octopus

Chris The Siteowner — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 08:34:34 +0000

Them’s The Vagaries is (of course) another bunch of amusing observations; I don’t know why I find the “squid” line so funny. Regarding the “aviaries” stuff at the end, Nigel said: “Yeah, that’s where we do get silly. Sometimes I don’t care. But you can’t be stern-faced all your life.” Thanks to EskimoEric, Paul and Max

See lyrics to Them’s The Vagaries

And is it home to sharks?

Chris The Siteowner — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:37:40 +0000

I’d better get a move on, we have more subscribers to the blog now than songs transcribed. It’s also time to get on with Cammell Laird Social Club. Anyway, San Antonio Foam Party has a go at officialdom assuming it knows what you think (see also A Country Practice) and suggests Britain’s two best tennis players at the time of the end of the century party were robots. And the relevance of the title of the song? I’ve no idea. Thanks to Rob

See lyrics to San Antonio Foam Party

Here’s Judie Tzuke to take us up to the news

Chris The Siteowner — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:29:45 +0000

When The Evening Sun Goes Down is one of those great songs which brings together a stack of brilliant but unrelated lines. Almost every one is a gem. Thanks to Patrick, gnick and eskimoeric

See lyrics to When The Evening Sun Goes Down