The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Busking this at Embankment Tube tomorrow

162 pop songs picked over by pedants (in 2,968 comments!)

Checking out the Quantocks

Joy Division Oven Gloves now regularly get held up by someone in the audience at live gigs. Google some YouTube live performances of the song and you may get a glimpse. Slippers (for writing on the soles of) I did expect, but these I did not. Someone’s probably even selling them by now. Thanks to EskimoEric and gnick

See lyrics to Joy Division Oven Gloves

30 Letters Sent:
  1. Martin

    This one’s bothered me for a bit. The first line really sounds to me like…

    “Well, they say she’s too hot…………”

    I’d cast it away as too random if it wasn’t for the “If it’s her desire…..” in the next line.

    Can you turn the volume up and give it a fair listen please Chris? :)

  2. Paul F

    Definitely “the dish is too hot”.

  3. danny

    your doing a great job mate. Keep up the good work

  4. +1 for “the dish is too hot”

  5. Gareth

    polishing the knave?

    Just an idea.

    Oh, how Neil and Nigel must be laughing as the saunter through our earnest musings. Or gently chuckling, I hope.

  6. Martin

    Happily conceded to “The dish is too hot” after seeing a live one on youtube.

    I defer to you all :)

  7. Having been stuck on the M25 for half a lifetime on Friday, with naught but an HMHBMP3CD for company, I’m a bit less convinced by “dish” than I was this time last week. One version sounded like “the dish is too hot”, another “she says she’s too hot” and a third “sex is too hot”!

    I may have to lock myself in a small dark room with naught but my iPod for company…

  8. Ian (Colorado)

    Worth noting – some bright spark (userid oladavola) has uploaded some decent quality footage onto YouTube of HMHB recently at Cornbury – worth checking them all out.

  9. Paddy O

    The last 3 lines are …

    Get your Joy Division oven gloves
    We got Joy Division oven gloves
    Hallelujah

    (Get and We are transposed in the on-line lyrics)

    Still a blinding tune!

  10. @Paddy O: you’re right as regards the Peel Session version, but it’s the other way around on the album.

  11. Peter

    Just listened to the Peel session version, sounds to me like “Well, this dish is too hot…” as opposed to “the dish”

  12. Peter

    …and you don’t think it could be “post-punk Postcard fair” do you? As in the record label?

  13. Not convinced on the “the/this”. And we’ll never know as regards the capitalisation of “Postcard”, I guess…

  14. Charles Exford

    Not picked up on this one before, but post Peter’s post I’ve applied the patent Exford the-mometer and this-mometer, and the results are even more positive than for “this firmament”. Definite strong traces of /s/ there before the /d/. If it’s ‘the’ it’s ‘the sdish’. So +1 for “this”.

  15. OK, that’ll do for me :)

  16. NIck Ink

    I’m shocked and saddened to see that there’s a consensus for “checking out The Quantocks”, as I’d always enjoyed the idea of Nigel all on his own there with a little mini-barbecue set cooking “chicken on the Quantocks”. I still like it, as it’s more strongly linked to the need for oven gloves. What think ye?

    Oh, also five thumbs up for the utterly fabulous site.

  17. Dave F.

    Nick
    To me it is definitely ‘checking out’, the gloves being essential protective clothing to complement Gortex based rain-wear & a good sturdy pair of walking boots. Unlike hiking poles which are just an affectation.

    Chris
    Did you say this site had problems displaying certain characters? Because blasé should have an acute accent

  18. I’m sure the technology can handle them fine. But in uncharacteristically non-pedantic style, I just can’t be bothered with accents. To me, the English for blasé is blase.

  19. Chris Quinn

    A picture of the handwritten lyrics is here (on display in Liverpool Museum a few months ago!)

  20. Dave F.

    Well, well, well.
    It turns out Martin was right all along. Gold star to him.

  21. Hmm, what to do? We seemed to have reached general agreement that the song actually begins: “Well, the dish is…”, which does sound right, more so on certain live versions. But now we see from the original handwritten lyrics that the song was at least supposed to start: “Well, they say she’s…”.

    NB57 has form on changing lyrics from the various printed versions, but in this case, the disputed version is something which some people reckon it’s been all along.

    But now I listen again, in every version (I have six here), if I try hard I can hear “Well, they say she’s…”

    Who’d be a referee, eh? But then surely a bit of controversy is part of the game’s appeal.

  22. Simon Aughton

    According to the handwritten lyric the second line is “yeah but guess what”. And listening again, I think that’s right.

  23. Exxo

    Referring to the museum manuscript, Chris, I can see why you’ve not gone with Nige’s interesting spelling of piccalilli or his accent on blasé … though personally I would definitely have included the latter. However I do think the Laird deserves his capital L just because Nige gives him one (ooh missus).

    But I was particularly wondering why you haven’t changed ‘nave’ (which we all thought it was of course) to Nigel’s knavish ‘knave’ … can we seriously believe Nige would put the homophone in by accident ?
    “knave” adds a bit more innuendo on top of the “Laird” one.

    Likewise I wonder why you’ve not changed ‘talk to the hands in his’ to Nigel’s ‘talk to the hand… in my’ ? (I always thought it was ‘talk to the handS in my’, but it’s not what he puts),

    [Incidentally Mrs. Exford has just learnt this tune on guitar having found that "Drunkenmadman" chappie doing it on Youtube, and I have to confess that inspired by some of his versions I'm saving up for a Uke to accompany her ].

  24. Thanks Exxo. Sorted (mainly). Can’t wait for your own video.

  25. I still get freaked out every time someone mentions a video I’ve done.

    Exxo, if you do a video, tag it as a video response, I’d love to see it.

    Btw, I do requests. Sort of. If I like the request, that is.

  26. dagenham dave

    I’ve given the ‘post-punk postcard fair’ a lot of thought (maybe too much) and have arrived at the following conclusion.
    Initially I thought postcard should have a capital P as in the Glasgow based record label, however you wouldn’t have to qualify it as ‘post-punk’ as it started in 1979. So I think it refers to a postcard collectors fair which if described as ‘post punk’ is rather amusing. To me anyway….

  27. TWO FAT FEET

    WIll probably get tarred and feathered for this, but, having been very excited at the prospect of hearing this for the first time, when I finally got my CD for Father’s Day 2008 I was rather disappointed at this one. If I were bored enough to compile a list of which HMHB song titles far outweighed the quality of the song itself, I think this would be challenging for a podium spot.

  28. Charles Exford

    Ah well I suppose I shouldn’t criticise the way people talk about HMHB song titles as somehow separate entities from the songs, if even Geoff Davies is doing it:
    “Joy Division Oven Gloves is a bit of a throwaway song – they’ve done far more epic, interesting songs than this – but it’s an easy laugh, the title wins you over,” Davies added (in last Wednesday’s Guardian interview).

    “Throwaway” it may be, but personally, I don’t think Nigel has ever written a better, funnier rhyming couplet than

    “Talk to the hands, Talk to the hands [in my JDOGs]
    Dance, dance, dance, dance [in your JDOGs ]”

    I can’t see that these lines could have been written any other way than having the gloves made* and dancing round the kitchen in them to the sublime majesty of “Transmission” itself.

    Dancing in oven gloves, as some of you will know, automatically results in a kind of camp Charleston effect, and from the moment you put them on it must be hard not to write at least a couple of throwaway lines beginning “ooh-ooh”, but the silver medal for couplets in this song surely goes to:

    “On a sinking ship, a sailor yearns [for his JDOGs]
    Nero fiddles while Gordon Burns [in his JDOGs]”

    * I do believe Nigel’s story about actually having the prototype JDOGs made down at Birkenhead Market. After all, there they are on the album cover with an alleged hot potato. I am more sceptical about his introduction of the song at the Cambridge gig: “here’s a song that was written after coming across a Pink Military shower sleeve.”

  29. Germ

    I’ve been checking out both the album version and the “Peel Sessions” trying to figure out what the background chant is (just before the “My grandfather clock” line) and I’m convinced it’s just a repeating chant of “Tokyo,Tokyo” etc.

    Just me?

  30. Dave F.

    Yep, just you.

    Surely it’s a repeat of ovengloves very quickly?

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