The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Busking this at Embankment Tube tomorrow

162 pop songs picked over by pedants (in 2,968 comments!)

Euphemisms, Audrey, Euphemisms!

Asparagus Next Left suddenly transforms Half Man Half Biscuit into a public information service, warning that road signs on our country lanes may not be what they seem. Which we all know to be true. I’m not sure anybody knows who Phyllis Triggs is though. Thanks to Patrick and Dave

See lyrics to Asparagus Next Left

18 Letters Sent:
  1. Craig

    Second last verse – it’s ‘bands have become ridiculous’.

  2. Are you sure? Anyone else agree?

  3. Gordon Burns

    No – definitely Vans

  4. Craig

    I’m pretty sure. The verse is about bands having tour buses and not travelling in transits anymore (unlike HMHB) and I don’t see how a van can have a strategy

  5. “Vans” makes sense becuase it’s a comment on how all vans now belong to “strategic logistics solutions providers” rather than delivery companies…

  6. Martin Taylor

    I always thought it was “Bands have become ridiculous….” rather than just piling into a transit.

    The logistics companies angle makes sense too tho. Hadn’t thought of that.

  7. Sanchez

    So who was Phyllis Triggs?

  8. Paul F

    Definitely vans.

  9. Ian in CO

    Bands. Agree on the points made – a dig at corporate rockers, surely.

  10. billybookcase

    We recently went down the A550(?) towards Queensferry and saw an Asparagus next left sign and wondered if this was the inspiration.

  11. Neil

    Two things:
    1. It’s definitely ‘vans’.

    2. Phyllis Triggs is a member of the Springfield Arts Council in Springfield, Ohio, USA. That’s what happened to her.
    http://www.ci.springfield.oh.us/aacf/aacfss.htm

  12. Dave F.

    Evening all

    Well surely that’s the ultimate guerrilla gig.

    “Asparagus next Left” who says ?
    It’s a bit clearer on the (superior) Peel session version.

    Is there a reason why a few words are capitalized? Aubergines, Tractors, Turning etc?

    Cheers

  13. Thanks. I’ve capitalised everything which would appear on signs. I’ve even done some more now, to be consistent. Because I can.

  14. @steve_nicholls

    I feel the need to point out here that the British Asparagus Festival has started ( until June 21st )
    http://www.britishasparagusfestival.org

  15. Germ

    I was watching the North East local news on the BBC today (Breakfast time before work) and they announced that the recent cold spell is threatening the asparagus crop up here.

    Anything that sends me off to work singing a HMHB tune and wearing a smile is a bonus!

  16. Germ

    Oh,and as an aside,I always heard the line as “Remember Phyllis drinks”.Warning us to take care driving down country lanes in case we run into some tweed-clad old lush.

  17. Exxo

    It is definitely Phyllis Triggs I’m afraid. Just another old-fashioned name (c.f. Joyce, Thelma, Maud et al.) that NB 57 likes the sound of. As a doyen of such names he mentioned that one day he’d like to write a song about a Norma, and it seemed quite logical that this should be his wish….

    But before we went our separate ways, and remembering my one-man campaign throughout ’06 to get this song on the set-list, NB57 was kind enough to show me an early hand-written version, in which aubergines, rather than asparagus, took the title role.

    Lucky, really. A shower of aubergines could have done serious damage, that fateful night in Holmfirth.

    As when someone requested it recently in Cambridge, Nigel also explained the reason they’ve never played it onstage is that this is a Neil Crossley tune that he (Nigel) can’t do justice to in a live environment.

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