The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

I haven’t even got a canoe

Chris The Siteowner — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 10:50:12 +0000

Bit of a PBR, this one, because I met an ex-teacher of mine in our city’s swanky new library the other day, and she was paying the fines through the groovy automated machines for a couple of books which appeared to be nine weeks overdue. Anyway, I Love You Because (You Look Like Jim Reeves) wasn’t as successful as many other HMHB songs at seeing the back of its protagonists: Jim Reeves had already been dead for many years, Peggy Mount soldiered on for another 15, and Tony Bastable managed over 20, although at 62 you could say his passing was an unexpectedly early walk back to the pavilion. The song also features a rare example of some NSFW language (well, a word) which NB57 appeared to get out of his system very early on. Thanks to Tony, Martin, Nigel and EskimoEric

Update: as Charles Exford points out below there’s plenty of “down-to-earth match-going English” in subsequent albums. Maybe it just doesn’t jar as much as it does with lesser songwriters, and therefore you hardly notice it. That’s my defence anyway.

See lyrics to I Love You Because (You Look Like Jim Reeves)

Father, Son and Mickie Most

Chris The Siteowner — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:57:55 +0000

The quiet desperation that is the English way (thanks Neil). OK, let’s get one thing straight: if it’s the man who wrote about the last train for the coast, it’s Don McLean, and if it’s the one-time Peter Glaze sidekick, it’s Don Maclean, and we’ll never know which one is being referred to, although you lot will argue about it, without doubt. Turned Up Clocked On Laid Off is one of the most beautifully gloomy songs HMHB have ever recorded, especially the coda after the last chorus. Magnificent. Thanks to Bob, Neil, Grim, Jon A and gNick

To the woods to stroke non-existent puppies

Chris The Siteowner — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 10:04:52 +0000

God Gave Us Life is the song which I always think disproves any “curse of HMHB” theory, because most of the extensive roll-call of wonderful people are alive and well nearly 25 years later. Even the, er, more senior ones lived on into the next century. Anyway, some nice distortion. Thanks to EskimoEric, gNick, Nigel, Tony, Martin and Sarah

See lyrics to God Gave Us Life

NEWSFLASH:
Fantastic review of the Sheffield gig by Charles Exford. Yours to treasure and pass on to your loved ones.

I’ll tell you about the Cuban’s eight-foot stride

Chris The Siteowner — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:34:58 +0000

Quality Janitor is about old janitors/parkies/grandads who presumably “put Nick Straker on the floor” when the seventies one-hit-wonders went for a walk in the park and had a trip in the dark. Maybe. Anyway, I thought this one was going to be difficult when five correspondents sent in five quite different first lines, but it got easier from there on in. That line may generate some discussion though. Thanks to Grim, Grev, Swanaldo, gNick and Jon F

Stop Press: MP3 of August’s Roadwater gig now available, courtesy of Christos: download here (80Mb, right/ctrl-click)

Stromsgodset Under-5s did the offy by us

Chris The Siteowner — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:38:20 +0000

Malayan Jelutong is a type of wood, apparently, but doesn’t feature in the song. Then again, it’s one of those songs where there are lots of intriguingly amusing references, but if there are any connections between them, they’re too obscure for most of us. Many years on, there are still adverts for The Original Breton Shirt in the back pages. Guardian readers never change. Thanks to Grev, Grim, gNick and Jon F

See lyrics to Malayan Jelutong

The cemetery’s full of indispensable cobblers

Chris The Siteowner — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:15:16 +0000

Whiteness Thy Name Is Meltonian has two or three individual lines in it which I know are amongst the favourites of several people. And that coda – it’s almost pop music… Meltonian, by the way, still exists. It’s a brand which, despite being sold to the Americans, is so achingly traditional it apparently doesn’t need a proper website – and you won’t see much of a mention of it anywhere from its current owner, the mighty Sara Lee Corporation. Thanks to Grim, Jon A, Jon F and gNick

See lyrics to Whiteness Thy Name Is Meltonian

The Chief Executive, fresh from Reykjavik

Chris The Siteowner — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 19:53:46 +0000

This one always makes me smile. It’s just a list of management-speak gobbledegook, culled mainly from job adverts, but what’s striking about ITMA could well be how few of these terms have become quaint since 1997. I suppose most of the people who were writing business bullshit back then are still writing it today. Thanks to Rob, Sarah and Grev

See lyrics to ITMA

As you put another Roger Dean poster on the wall

Chris The Siteowner — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:39:05 +0000

Despite the legendary curse of HMHB, the one song which mentions “all those people who you romantically like to still believe are alive, are dead” didn’t have any of the four it namechecks let the side down until almost twenty years after it was written. Oh the irony. And even now, over 22 years since the song’s release, three out of the four are still with us. Dickie Davies Eyes is one of those early songs which is known to the “Half Man Half Biscuit – didn’t they do that song about…?” brigade, mainly because it still gets the occasional national radio airing (he said, just having heard it on BBC 6 Music). Thanks to Nigel and EskimoEric

See lyrics to Dickie Davies Eyes

The film trivia book at the bog-side

Chris The Siteowner — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:56:01 +0000

You didn’t really think that Song Of Encouragement for the Orme Ascent was going to be about “Llandudno’s Mountain”, did you? Thanks to the magic of Peel Sessions, another song, like Trumpton Riots, available in both guitar- and banjo-flavoured varieties. Thanks to discopocalypse, David and Sarah

See lyrics to Song Of Encouragement for the Orme Ascent

I was a pain in the diocese

Chris The Siteowner — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 21:03:02 +0000

And yet another album joins the completists’ factory, as Faithlift finishes off T-shirt favourite Some Call It Godcore. Clan Of Xymox actually did a couple of real 4ADCDs, you know. Thanks to gNick, Gary and Martin

See lyrics to Faithlift