The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Busking this at Embankment Tube tomorrow

179 pop songs picked over by pedants

Half Map Half Biscuit

I should have done this myself, but I was beaten to it by Stuart Vallantine of East of the M60 who’s done a fine job. Clicky on the link under the map for the full thing.


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126 Letters Sent:
  1. 1

    Neil G

    Newton Abbot doesn’t get a mention. Nor does Dawlish. Those came to mind quite quickly. I’m sure there are other omissions.

  2. And we shouldn’t get too parochial: what about Stavanger, Malmo, Enschede, Esch and Strømsgodset?

  3. 3

    Neil G

    Not to mention Ghent.

  4. 4

    Ben

    Nor Dundalk, perhaps it’s a work in progress like this site before we ALL get a bit too precious. :)

  5. 5

    Rob

    Can’t see any mention of Bridgwater. Or Uffington. Or Sierra Leone.

  6. 6

    Richard

    and Zeal Monachorum. Had a caravan there once.

  7. 7

    Paul F

    Does it matter that it has the A552 (Nove on the Sly) but not Woodchurch Lane (Uffington Wassail)?

  8. 8

    Paul F

    She stayed with me until
    She moved to Notting Hill

  9. 9

    Charles Exford

    I love it – GREAT WORK – another long-imagined project I would have never got round to doing myself. 114 songs and a map, picked over by pedants. So off the top of me head here’s a few more :
    Bulbarrow Hill ?
    Malmesbury on the Southern Edge of Salisbury Plain ?
    Wem ?
    Leominster ?
    Three Cocks ?
    Possibly also worth including are the 41 and 113 bus routes from ‘Little in the way of Sunshine’, which because of the mention of Duff Leg Bryn (of Wem) are almost certainly in Shropshire.
    Though I must admit I have often wondered if the 113 should have been 513, as the latter goes from the same Whitchurch depot as the 41 (and would locate the staff canteen photo firmly in Whitchurch), through Duff Leg’s Wem, and would get Bryn to Shrewsbury where ample transport connections are available for Leominster.

  10. 10

    Paul F

    This is superb – you mention a place on here and minutes later it’s on the map!

    How about St Ives (Cambridgeshire)? Ely is there, but no St Ives.

  11. 11

    Paul F

    And Macchynleth (sp?).

  12. 12

    Richard

    Where Paul Ross lives

  13. It’s becoming like one of those celebrity stalking maps, except we’re stalking NB57′s holidays. Top work Stuart for getting all these suggestions on so quickly.

  14. 14

    Richard

    Yes, its brilliant. We still need one for Bridgwater, as mentioned by Rob.

    Oh, and Luton. ie Luton Town / Millwall 1985. So Millwall too at a push. (although I assume the re- enactment should have taken place at Luton at in this context Millwall is only a football club rather than a location).

  15. 15

    Dave F.

    Ah, the beautiful sparkling healthy spa water of Bath, in Avon. But of course now in B&NES.

  16. 16

    Dave F.

    Am I being stupid here? It says it’s user created. but I logged on & went to the map but can’t find a way to enter a location. What am I doing wrong?

  17. 17

    Simon

    Top work, Stuart. Here are mine: Broadstairs, Kazakhstan and Rome (to see the pope).

  18. @Dave F: I don’t think anyone other than the map creator can add stuff, so I hope Stuart has a lot of time on his hands.

  19. 19

    Richard

    Budapest (I was a teenage armchair Honved fan)

  20. 20

    Richard

    The wailing wall, Jerusalem

  21. 21

    dj

    stranraer (my home town) from jarg armani

  22. 22

    John Anderson

    Great stuff. I think the foam party reference is to San Antonio in Ibiza rather San Antonio Texas! You could also include Palermo (Sicily) re the brothel storming in the same song.

  23. 23

    Dave F.

    @Chris The Siteowner
    You’re right, could be a busy time for Stuart.

    @Stuart
    Are you picking up the suggestions from here?

    “You call Glastonbury, Glasto”…
    I think the pin for this should be a the Pyramid stage, as the lyrics are referring to the festival rather than the town itself.

  24. 24

    Dave F.

    Parbold, Wigan
    Billing Aquadrome, Northhampton

  25. 25

    BarcaBlade

    Prague (Dukla) – if we’re counting the football references

  26. 26

    Stephen Crossman

    Good work all.
    The Quantock Hills (in Somerset) from Joy Division Oven Gloves.
    And very importantly my farm (close to Dunster, West Somerset) because that’s where the signs for “Asparagus next left” and the arrows to “new potatoes” were seen.
    Both from Achtung Bono!

  27. 27

    Ian in Colorado

    Spectacular, bravo.

    Do we need one for the Isle of Thanet, or does Broadstairs cover that?

  28. 28

    Ian in Colorado

    Oh….The Vatican?

  29. 29

    Ian in Colorado

    Mansfield, with their very own Steve Malkmus……

    New York (Skiffle).

    Better pick a Caribbean beach, too. And Kent, Gwent, Senegal.

  30. 30

    Alan K

    T for Tennessee requires a flag I think, as does the small
    village of Threecocks near Twmpa in South East Wales!

  31. 31

    Steve

    Am I just being dim, but I can’t find the Ogwyn Lake (Llyn Ogwyn) – perfect for a five mile hike around, if you have restless legs.

  32. 32

    Annie

    What about Farnborough, as mentioned in “…..Gobshite”

  33. 33

    porkpie

    excellent work, also you can add Saltergate (Chesterfield FCs ground) from 4 skinny indie kids.

  34. 34

    problem chimp

    set Norfolk and it’s cold
    Godzilla eats Diss

    (plus nothing-much-next-the-sea,
    i saw jesus but he didn’t see me

    which i always assumed was wells-next-the-sea)

  35. 35

    Rob

    Sierra Leone, a gentleman can find his way home from here but he’d be lost without an inside pocket

  36. 36

    Steve

    And let’s not forget wave rage on Fistral Beach (Surging Out Of Convalescence)

  37. 37

    Steve

    I’m not sure how easy this one’s going to be, but …
    “Brian’s not home, he’s at the North Pole”
    - Eno Collaboration

  38. 38

    Steve

    You’ve got Enschede, but what about Waragem and Malmo!!

  39. 39

    Steve

    “Upon Westminster Bridge” mentions Hampstead, Edgware Road and the Dead Sea. But you’ve already spotted the ‘pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee’.

    While I’m here, “I’d like to warn your readers, Stapely Water Gardens, A nice day out but best to take a flask” (Letters Sent)

    And “Twydale’s Lament” namechecks “Warwick Arts Centre”

    I’m now going off to get a life.

  40. 40

    Joe

    Just a couple.
    The Backs, Cambridge – Blood on the Quad
    Papworth Everard – I left my heart in papworth general

  41. 41

    Dave F.

    (Alan) Brazil. – Yes, I know that’s stretching it a bit.

    A47, which also stretches, from Birmingham to Great Yarmouth.

  42. 42

    Dave F.

    South America & Iceland (Eno).
    why Cuba has a tag but Iceland, I don’t know
    Same with (West) Indies which isn’t, but Andes is.
    The Camden Falcon (Get Kramer)
    River Dee (Brain May). Not sure if it’s the one in through Chester or Aberdeenshire.
    Stuart tags the N. Wales one as being quoted in Doreen but I can’t make it out. Just a nod to it with pleasure boats.
    Sca Fell. (Doreen) Not Scafell Pike which is a different hillock.
    Spain (Look Dad, No Tunes)
    Senegal (Bob Wilson) is listed but not Kent or Gwent.
    Blackpool (Lilac Harry Quinn) where Radiohead were ahead of many council by turning of all the lights.
    Camber Sands (Lark Rising)
    Rocky Mountains (Worried Man Blues)
    Kansas (New York Skiffle) There’s a shack there, supposedly.
    CBGB’s (NYS) A club famous for…. Oh, you know.
    Stranraer (Jarg Armani)
    Ghent, Belgium (I went to a Wedding)

    Apologies if any of these have already been posted.

    I’ve just got back from getting out more…

  43. 43

    zertrudetrout

    3 local ones for me

    “knutsford city limits” – m6ster
    “in my bedroom in nantwich” – look dad no tunes
    “let me hear you spell wilmslow, boy” – 24 hour garage people (peel session)

  44. 44

    Poolio

    Keeping it European and a 2nd mention for Amsterdam with,

    The Melkweg – where, if you’re particularly lucky, you might just see popular 70s punk outfit PragVec playing!

  45. 45

    Poolio

    Is there a Buena Vista Social Club – or was that just the bands name?

  46. 46

    Corn-a-moose

    Completists need both Poles. Brian’s gone to the North, and Shackleton didn’t quite make it to the South.

    Rorke’s Drift could put another pin in the Southern Hemisphere.

  47. 47

    Mr Larrington

    Poolio asks:

    “Is there a Buena Vista Social Club – or was that just the bands name?”

    There was a BVSC, in Havana, but the post-revolutionary Socialist Fiends had a policy of closing such places down. It seems to have disappeared in the early sixties and no-one now remembers where precisely it was.

  48. 48

    Dave the Train

    “Trying to get to Parbold for a quarter past seven / and it isn’t going to happen” and “I hear you’re going to Billing Aquadrome”. See Dave F Jan 31st. Both from “Epiphany”, Peel Session 16th Nov 2004; not sure where else it appears. For the record, I drive trains to Parbold.

  49. 49

    Simon

    Y is for Yate…

  50. 50

    Poolio

    Earls Court – For a problem chimp at the “Ideal Home Show”

  51. 51

    Poolio

    Totnes Bickering Fair… has anyone got a list of where’s been spotted (without having to trawl through the map)?

  52. 52

    Poolio

    If you’re having Alan BRAZIL then I think Kendo NAGASAKI is a shoe in!

  53. 53

    Poolio

    Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican….

    I’ll never listen to HMHB the same again…

  54. 54

    Neil G

    Er, Poolio, shouldn’t that be a ‘shoo in’, rather than a ‘shoe in’?

  55. 55

    zertrudetrout

    Upon Westminster Bridge

    the fireworks lighting up the [houses of parliament], death in [trafalgar square]

  56. 56

    Rob

    Rampton gets a mention in Vitas Gerulaitis.

    Vitas Gerulaitis is itself a small village in Patagonia.

  57. 57

    Matt

    What about Pen Y Ghent which is in Lord Herefords Knob. Both mountains of course the aforementioned in Yorkshire.

    Filey (also in Yorkshire) is mentioned in another but can’t remember which.

  58. 58

    Dave F.

    In Even men with steel hearts….

    It mentions ‘From Magdalene to Sellafield’

    Would I be correct in thinking Magdalene would be the college at Cambridge Uni?

    Also in the same lyrics Dock Road is mentioned which is next to Birkenhead’s err… docks.

  59. 59

    Poolio

    Neil G: “Er, Poolio, shouldn’t that be a ‘shoo in’, rather than a ‘shoe in’?”

    He’s right you know… always wondered about the origin of the phrase.

    historically to do with ‘shoo-ing’ a horse over the line – of a pre-fixed race – enlightened, thanks Mr G – now shoo!!

  60. 60

    Poolio

    Page 19 of todays Manchester Metro:
    Best things in life:
    At long last someone has created a Google map of every place ever mentioned in a Half Man Half Biscuit Song.

    Fame at last?…

  61. 61

    dj

    …it also gets a mention on scurrilous celeb gossip site popbitch today
    Link (but you’ll probably have missed it by now!)

  62. 62

    Jim Clark

    Rock City, Notts?
    And let’s not forget the whole A47.

  63. 63

    Dave F.

    and they go to Umbria with Carol…

    Emerging From Gorse

    It’s in Italy, don’t you know.

  64. 64

    Charles Exford

    @ myself (there’s nothing like being pedantic about your own geographical errors):

    as I said above, my reference to “Malmesbury” was off the top of me head and should of course have been “Amesbury” in Climie Fisher. But nor is it “Avebury” as arrowed on Stuart’s map. All of them wonderfully atmospheric places steeped in ancient history and legend. [ I think the reason I wrongly associated Malmesbury with HMHB has to do with the fact that it was in Malmesbury Abbey that King Athelstan's great victory over the Danes, Scots, Norwegian Wools, etc. on a Wirral golf course in 937 is commemorated. One of several battles in the 9th and 10th centuries that decided which language we all speak as much as Hastings did, you know. ]

    @ Dave F “Magdalene” is indeed the Cambridge college, “Magdalen” without the “e” being in Oxford (arguably a more famous and bigger college, so statistically more likely to be the one?). Legend has it that the Cambridge college added the “e” cos it was sicking of its post going to Oxford and vice versa. On the other hand both of them are pronounced “maudlin” so who knows ?

    See also my lost post about “The Backs” being in Cambridge but Cambridge not having “quads”, which spookily ended up in another thread

  65. 65

    Charles Exford

    “it was sicking of” !??!

    Must do better, Exford (especially as I’m writing this while doing an external inspection visit at an English language school in Dublin).

  66. 66

    dj

    i got lost in newfoundland – little in the way of sunshine

  67. 67

    Dave F.

    “And they’ll get back from Copenhagen…”

    Fear My Wraith

    One disappointing statue

  68. 68

    Dave F.

    “Oh Dracula comes from Transylvania..”

    Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred Titmus.

    Why has Fear My Wraith been tagged with Colchester?

    I mean, to start with I thought the map was for places, not people & anyway Bobby Svarc played for many clubs other than this one, & he was born in Leicester .

    And the line “I read the news today oh boy” that is quoted is surely referring to Blackburn.

    However, if you want to do people….

  69. 69

    grim

    @Exford: Understandable, I’d say – after all it’s the “Duke of Marlborough pub at Amesbury,” and it’s all too easy to stick the “Mar” sound on to “bury,” and arrive at somewhere quite wrong, even though seemingly quite right.

    I don’t see a pin in Detroit yet, but maybe that’s because we’re all refusing to worship there. Likewise, the Frankfurt jazz-tip scene. (Nove On The Sly, of course.)

  70. 70

    Michael

    “He sang a salty song about a girl from Bangalore” – 27 yards of Dental Floss.

    I feel bad nitpicking after such a grand effort, though!

  71. 71

    Dave F.

    Ballad of Climie Fisher:
    “…Norbury, South London.”
    “…Canterbury Spur”

  72. 72

    Ben

    Nairobi (Slums)

    Thy Damnation Slumbereth Not

  73. 73

    Alan K

    Neither of The Glyders (Fach or Fawr) are mentioned, from Evening of Swing

  74. 74

    Charles Exford

    @ Dave F – we’re not doing people – the song specifically namechecks Layer (Road) in Colchester, but not Leicester or Blackburn.

    Today I’ve mostly been CQTM about the two San Antonio’s on the map. I’m glad he stopped at just the two.

  75. 75

    MickeyMo

    ‘Gipton’ teenagers?

  76. 76

    Uncle Greg

    The North of Scotland is a bit bare…
    Elgin, Nairn and Brora (Multitude)
    Stromness (Shropshire Lad)

    Also
    Biarritz (Two Chevrons)

  77. 77

    Dave F.

    “the song specifically namechecks Layer (Road) in Colchester”

    Ah! I really should pay attention more.

  78. 78

    Ted

    Reykjavik… where the Chief Executive is ‘fresh from’ (ITMA).

  79. 79

    Wam

    Heres A Few I Found:

    Swindon – “A swindon council estate” – Breaking News
    Australia – “Every Day is Australia Day” – A Country Practice
    Berkshire – “A Berkshire Trout River” – A Country Practice
    Chad – “£50 to Chad” – Petty Sessions
    Henman Hill – “And a storm broke over Henman Hill” – Evening Of Swing (Has Been Cancelled)
    Aldershot – “Sheepskin nose-band, kids in Aldershot” – Them’s The Vagaries

  80. 80

    Poolio

    Parbold and Billing Aquadrome – Epiphany from Peel Session.

  81. 81

    Poolio

    Take the 20:40 boxcar to “Bude” – Hair like Brian May Blues

  82. 82

    Poolio

    Ghent – I went to a wedding – Saucy Haulage Ballads

    There’s my hat-trick for the day!

  83. 83

    Charles Exford

    @ Uncle Greg (March 8th, above),

    The above comment suggests you know the lyrics to the most difficult verse of “Multitude”, a song which we don’t yet have on this site ? I’ve just been trying to work it out but I don’t have my slowy-down-CD machine during the hols.

    (I wonder if you’ve e-mailed Uncle Greg about this, Chris ?)

    Anyway, is it possibly something like:

    Where the ******* *** of Keith
    In a sidestreet has no beef
    With Elgin, Nairn or Brora any more?

    (must admit before Greg’s post I thought of ‘Cawdor’, realised it wasn’t, and now I realise the clue was in the Highland League table all along – BRORA )

    ***** *** it’s not ‘transit van’ is it ? Sounds more like “tranted”.

    As in a a transit van bringing regional league fans to an away game ?

    As in “You must have come in a transit” ? (etc)

  84. 84

    Charles Exford

    Soz I meant to write “transit full” not “transit van”.

    It isn’t that, anyway, but it’s something like that !

  85. 85

    Mr Larrington

    Iceland’s on there, but Reykjavik surely deserves a mention as the palce from whence the Chief Executive has come in “ITMA”.

  86. 86

    Mr Larrington

    Oh, and Calcutta (or whatever it’s called these days) – “the children of the Calcutta railways” – National Shite Day

  87. 87

    Dave F.

    Earth (UWB)

    Not sure where Stuart should stick his marker :-)

  88. 88

    Wam

    Heres some more:

    Warwick Arts Centre – “Before heading north to Warwick Arts Centre” – Twydale’s Lament
    Stapely Water Gardens – “Stapely Water Gardens; A nice day out but best to take a flask” – Letters Sent
    Cemaes Bay – “Wide berth Akabusi at Cemaes Bay” – On Reaching The Wensum

    :)

  89. 89

    Mr Larrington

    Arimathea, where the hosteller named Malcolm came from. Someone with a better memory than mine might be able to remember which song it’s from. The only problem then is to determine where Arimathea actually *is*, though I suspect it’s now a suburb of Jerusalem.

  90. 90

    Neil G

    Mr. Larrington,
    I believe it’s from Doreen.

  91. 91

    Jan

    Presumably the Rollright Stones (24 Hour Garage People) can be found in either Great Rollright (SP326310), or Little Rollright (SP300310)?

  92. 92

    Dave F.

    Jan

    If you go to Stuart’s excellent site, you’ll see that it’s pinpointed to the millimetre.

    You’re not the only one who seems unaware of its location, with the Stones’ official site claiming it’s next to the A99!

  93. 93

    Steve Malkmoose

    OK so where exactly is Trumpton then, not to mention Chigley! :P

  94. 94

    COLIN

    It’s near Camberwick Green, silly

  95. 95

    grilly

    i was thinking of ‘i’ll be busking this at embankment tube tomorrow’ from Epiphany, and wondered… should there be a hmhb google calendar, for notable hmhb dates and such like? eg, january 4th, epiphany. um… i’l get back to you if i find any more…

  96. 96

    Sim

    I’m not quite sure why the Wrekin is marked where it is but it’s way out!

    The Wrekin is just south of the A5 between Shrewsbury and Telford, this marker needs to be moved to the correct location!

    Also, as a Shropshire Lad, there is no marker for Wem from “Country Practice”, “Duff Leg Bryn had drank too much again, Most of Wem was steering clear of him”. Wem is a small market town, which used to have a thriving brewing industry, just north of Shrewsbury.

    By the way, can you add to this map yourself or just submit suggestions?

    Love this site and the map, keep up the good work all you HMHB pedants out there!!!!!

  97. 97

    Sim

    I’ll give you the grid ref., you might like to go, SJ 628 081.

    Tonight I’ll be sitting on top of The Wrekin!

    Doesn’t quite have the same ring!! ;o)

  98. 98

    steve nicholls

    I love this. A labour of love, nice one Stuart.

    I can’t think of anything that isn’t already there, although the flag for Matlock Bath seems to be in the North Sea. It’s a couple of miles south of Matlock in Derbyshire – you have to magnify the map a bit.

  99. 99

    steve nicholls

    Oh, hang on, what about Blackpool?

    “Some day, some say, one of these fine nights, the council’s gonna ask Radiohead to switch off the Blackpool lights”

  100. 100

    Swanaldo

    How about the South Pole, as in ‘Shackleton retreated close to’?

  101. 101

    Mr Larrington

    He wasn’t /that/ close to the Pole, though…

  102. 102

    Swanaldo

    …and, to my shame, someone’s already suggested it above.

    Note to self: read entire thread before posting.

  103. 103

    Andy

    Any chance of including Dumfries? From M6ster. Don’t know of any other songs to mention it.

  104. 105

    Dave F.

    27 Yards Of Dental Floss

    “…I’ve got the Plymouth outside”

    A car company named after Plymouth Rock where the pilgrims landed stateside.

  105. 106

    michael

    The Caves of Drach, Majorca’s greatest caves.

  106. 107

    Precocious Mckenzie

    “A rented house in Brooke Street”…somewhere in the West End of Derby. Site of Charlie Hudsons pigeon loft – “King of Rome”.

  107. 108

    Alan K

    “Yeah that was me, down at Camber Sands
    Signing in to my chalet as
    J Buckley
    J Buckley
    J Buckley”
    Unlikely… yes, Buckley, Flintshire exists. Well worth a tag, I reckon!!

  108. 109

    Charles Exford

    But surely they don’t count if it’s not actually referring to the place ? Otherwise we’ll have chaos, and here’s just a few off the top of me head: Hull as in Rod Hull, Chester and Barnes (as in Chester Barnes), Rosenthal (town in Germany), Cadiz (as in Amoco), Sparta (as in “I for one feel spartan & monastic”). And more off the top of me google: Burgh in Argyllshire (as in Chris de), Faraday (somewhere north of Melbourne Australia), Belltower (Montana, USA), and somewhere called Armani (a tiny hamlet in Latvia). Not to mention Akabusi Close in Croydon (on the same estate, I kid you not, as Christie Drive, Pickering Gardens, etc).

    So I’d go Plymouth no, Buckley no.

  109. 111

    Dave F.

    Get Kramer:

    “unbalanced Lincoln woman”

  110. 112

    Dave F.

    Badminton. The game was named after the House/Village in Gloucestershire.

  111. 113

    Chris Warwick

    Everyone seems to have forgotten Wantage (possibly because you can’t get Teenage Eskimo there….)

  112. 114

    Dave F.

    No Chris, it’s because it’s already marked on the map. Click the link below the map above.

  113. 115

    Ricardo

    Matlock Bath appears to be located in the North Sea, ten miles south-east of Sunderland.

  114. 116

    Chris Warwick

    Oops, sorry, hidden behind Uffington… Needed to zoom in a bit

  115. 117

    Ricardo

    From new songs aired on last night’s BBC6 session

    Watership Down
    Belgium
    Poundbury
    Cornbury
    Zurich
    Harpurhey
    Wick
    Ilfracombe
    Riga

  116. 118

    Bobwilsonanchorman

    Tommys House Eco House, Knoydart!

  117. 119

    David

    from an initial glance – Switzerland obviously nude

    From ‘C.O.R.G.I Registered Friends’
    “December sees Kitzbuehel
    Clad in Lowe Alpine”

    Kitzbuehel – a major ski resort in Switzerland

  118. 120

    David

    Whoops, sorry. got that all wrong.

    Kitzbühel is in Austria not Switzerland, and ‘Ralph’s in Brize Norton’ – also from C.O.R.G.I Registered friends’

  119. 121

    Gregg Z

    “The Lakes” as in “Week in the Lakes/reasonable rates/Early September”
    –”Dead Men Don’t Need Season Tickets”

    I hear it’s lovely. Cumbria and such-like.

  120. 122

    SmileyD

    Sorry to say you’ve mis-located(?) the South Downs – they run from Winchester (Hants) to Eastbourne (East Sussex). Guildford (Surrey) is adjacent to the North Downs. I know it seems a minor point but that will at least put Sussex on the map.

  121. Tried to visit Zeal Monochorum whilst on holiday a few miles away, Autumn 2010. Thought it would be a personal landmark visitation and fitting tribute to ‘our mighty Biscuit’, with a possible pint to match/accompany me: Unfortunately drove straight through, such was the anonymity of said pseudo holiday resort! Heard from a ‘local’, they were proposing turning it in to a holiday village of sorts. Better ensure it is better road-signed next time. ‘Muffa’.

  122. 124

    Mr Larrington

    Snailbeach, Montgomery, the Stiperstones…

  123. 125

    FrankLloydReich

    trainspotters

  124. 126

    Dave Wiggins

    So it’s aggro you’re after eh, ‘Frank’? We know what your type are like, so don’t ever come near this site. We have a few cyberspace loonies on here, who will run you all over the virtual highway.

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