Took Problem Chimp To Ideal Home Show is just plain odd (yes, I hear you think from a distance, like the other songs aren’t?) and I’m not even going to attempt to explain what it’s all about, because I simply don’t know. I need help with a couple of lines too!
See lyrics to Took Problem Chimp To Ideal Home Show
Ian
I think the line is “Tickertape got me thinking of Kempes”
…which sort of makes sense
27 April 2008
Giles Pattison
I’m not sure about “success”, sounds like suck sass, googled it, still none the wiser
29 April 2008
grim
An early favourite from the album. That’s some damn fine bassline there. Not made any attempt to decipher it though!
1 May 2008
Martin Taylor
Hi,
Line 14:
It don’t please him
The line brickbats for success – it doesn’t sound like success, but I
have absolutely no idea what it might be. A designer or brand name
perhaps? Sounds like sug-sass.
And the footstool just after sounds more like “churkling” than juggling
but again no idea.
Cheers,
Martin
2 May 2008
chris
I do agree! With any luck someone will come up with a “d’oh!” suggestion in a bit.
2 May 2008
leigh
Surely it’s “Sucks ass”. well that’s what it sounds like to me anyway!
5 May 2008
SeanyMac
I hear something like “Brickbats 4 sucks ass”. I’ve googled that and got nothing… Mmm…
I think it’s juggling, too.
7 May 2008
leigh
Well Brickbats 4 sounds like a video game so the phrase ‘sucks ass’ fits in that context.
9 May 2008
GAV
surely it is “wade in the water Chimp” not children?
great site btw
10 May 2008
chris
Well, the original song it’s taken from naturally doesn’t mention chimps, but it’s possible he’s amended the words. Not sure it sounds like it though, unless anyone has a different view…
11 May 2008
Paul F
I heard it as “wade in the water Chimp” as well.
19 May 2008
Paul F
But having listened again, maybe it IS “Children”!
20 May 2008
Martin
Who’s the other Carol, I can only think of the girl Smillie?
Surely can’t be Ms Vorderman as she seems to be everywhere OTHER than on home makeover shows….. unless I’ve been fortunate enough to miss her?
21 May 2008
Paul F
Martin Taylor is right that it should be:
“Don’t tease him
It don’t please him”
22 May 2008
Darren Stephens
Yep, certainly sounds like “suckass” to me.
I also think that the Llewellyn-Bowen line is “Sue-Ellen Bowen”, which would be a nice little Dallas gag thrown in for free.
28 May 2008
max williams
I think it’s ‘chuckling footstool’ rather than ‘juggling’. Whatever that means.
I’m also hearing ‘sucks ass’ but again am none the wiser about the reference…
28 May 2008
Alastair
Martin – I think it is Ms Vorderman as she used to present ‘Better Homes’.
28 May 2008
Nick
I’m sure it’s “brickbats for success”, possibly going with the song’s theme of not measuring success by the superiority of one’s sink. And I’m also sure it’s “chuckling footstool” – maybe some gimmicky Home Show product that sets Bobby off on his rampage or something.
Also, I’m pretty sure it should be “straight’ways the floor gets slippery”, as in poor Bobby peeing himself…classic song.
31 May 2008
danny
Apparently a brickbat is a “blunt criticism” or a “piece of brick used as a missile” – not particularly helpful in the context I know, but that’s what it says in the dictionary.
6 June 2008
Ben
I’m probably wrong, and I can hear the ‘children’ on the last two of the four times the line is repeated, but we took the line to be
‘Weed in the water, weed in the water jug’ twice and then the same but with children?
I don’t see how it could make sense otherwise…
Ben
17 June 2008
TOM
I’m going to go with the videogame theory about “Brickbats 4 Sucks Ass”, because it seems vaguely appropriate that a “problem chimp” would expect to enjoy a game about hurling brickbats at people.
9 July 2008
Petrovic
Could it be the modern Italian designer, Ettore Sottsass? It would fit in with the Ideal Home Show, anyway.
22 July 2008
Chris
Brilliant! That’s the one. I think we’re just about there now. I’m taking this song off the “help” list, although further opinions are always welcome, of course!
22 July 2008
Dave Betts
I was hearing ‘Brickbats for Sugg’s Ass’, probably for frozen food crimes. Sottsass makes more sense though in fairness…
22 July 2008
Pachiguy
One line I’m not sure you’ve got right:
God speed the trial to cite my childish kicks
What is ‘to cite’ doing in there? Doesn’t really make sense and doesn’ feel right.
No idea what it is though – anyone?
1 August 2008
WalkleyBlade
Just a thought: “Heart of Darkness” was written by Joseph Conrad, which isn’t so far from Jasper Conran, who, while predominantly a clothing designer, has also done fabrics, wallpaper and a range of fireplaces. You know how NB’s mind works…
6 August 2008
U Roy Walker
Wade in the Water – I wonder if this is another one of Nigel’s oblique youth culture references? The Ramsey Lewis version is one of those benchmarks standard tunes you will hear at virtually any Northern soul/scooterist do you got to, and has been since year dot.
7 November 2008
Max Williams
Pachiguy – re “to cite”, i interpreted it as Nige looking forward to being in court and having the clerk read out his Ideal Home Show crimes to the judge and jury – presumably followed by his immediate aquittal.
10 November 2008
Matt
Hi guys. Great work. Been a biscuit fan for 22 years or so. I feel straightways will in fact probably be “Strangeways” as in large Manchester prison. The slippery floors would no doubt make the Bobby’s jittery, if the last riot is anything to go by.
6 January 2009
dj
i assumed bobby to be the chimp’s name
7 January 2009
Silentboatman
Second line is surely “I’m not stoned though”. I think we know how nigel feels about marijuana bores…
14 April 2010
Neil G
Silentboatman,
It’s definitely ‘I must own though’, meaning ‘I must admit’.
15 April 2010
Charles Exford
Quite.
Anyway, I haven’t seen this thread before, so back to Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness”, mentioned above. Haven’t read it for nearly 30 years, but I’ve been meaning to since this song appeared, and have recently been reminded of the significance of rivets in Conrad’s masterpiece-of-its-age. Scenes of rivet obsession, veritable rivet madness as the ‘hero’ dances with glee at the very thought of maybe, just maybe getting some rivets sent up the Congo to fix his boat.
Also, I seem to remember that one of the less obvious possible meanings, amongst tons of meanings of the phrase ‘heart of darkness’ in the novel, is London itself.
Anyone else think of any other Conrad references in this one?
15 April 2010
Problem Chimp
Not a correction or a criticism of the lyrics…but just a round of applause for the line
” bag of rivets for the goon at the entrance ”
Because that’s what robots traditionally eat, isn’t it ?? So it would make an excellent bribe to allow free entrance for Nigel and his chimp !
I’m thinking of The Iron Giant, etc.
11 May 2010
Fredorrarci
Might it be “Multifunctional, ain’t that what you call it?”, instead of “…is that…”?
2 September 2010
Neil G
Agreed, Fredorrarci. Definitely ‘ain’t’.
3 September 2010
Simon Smith
The Frank Skinner Absolute Radio “Not The Weekend Podcast” last week (8/9/10) contained a discussion on the horror of the Ideal Home Exhibition, and Skinner took his usual left turn (the week earlier he, a propos of nothing more than a mention of garlands, went into a riff about ex-Chelsea/Bristol City striker Chris Garland) and bigged up the boys by telling the clapped out star sucking spunkbucket and unfunny comedian who appeared with him that the mighty HMHB had a great song called “Took Problem Chimp To Ideal Home Show” and that he loved the band. Given Skinner’s adoration of The Fall, this is no great surprise that he also loves the boys, but he must sometimes suck a thoughtful tooth at some of the lyrics. A bit close to home.
Although I bet “You’re Hard” is his favourite.
iTunes link
15 September 2010
Paul F
It has just occurred to me… is the “chuckling footstool” an answer to the “mirthless furniture” in “Them’s the Vagaries”?
7 April 2011
shann
Its ‘wade in the water, wade in the water chimp’ not children, makes more sense as the song is about a chimp.xo
4 May 2011
Mr Larrington
Not sure about that as it’s taken from a traditional spiritual entitled “Wade In The Water”. The chorus of that definitely goes ‘Wade in the water, children’; it can be heard during episode three of Simon Schama’s “he American Future: A History”. Which also features a brief appearance from nb57 fave The Reverend Black Billy Sunday.
5 May 2011
Steve Playford
I think it is Wade in the water Chimp. That change of lyric works well in the context of the song. It’s a bit like someone saying it should be Bette Davis eyes and not Dickie Davies eyes. It surely misses the point!
14 May 2011
terry
its about taking a difficult simian to a homewares expo.
17 July 2011
Stella
It’s wade in the water chimp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21 December 2011
John Byrne
I’ve always heard ‘chimp’, not knowing the reference, but just had a listen now with ‘children’ in mind and it definitely sounds like the latter.
21 December 2011
John Burscough
It would be unusual for NB57 to slot in a spiritual/R&B reference like this (see Chris’s post 10 above) with any alteration to the wording: he’s usually ultra-respectful of them.
cf Hand me down my silver trumpet, Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me, Dark was the night cold was the ground, etc etc.
21 December 2011
John Burscough
While you’re in the festive spirit, Chris, could I suggest ‘Methinks’ as one word?
23 December 2011
Nick
Most definitely is Sue Ellen Bowen, Darren Stephens is right (above). A great silly nickname for Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen. Yes, you may think it’s just spilled over sibilance from the preceding ‘dangerous’, but you’d be wrong.
I’ve just bought some new fandangled headphones, see.
Similarly, it’s definitely ‘children’ every time.
24 December 2011
Chris The Siteowner
“Methinks” that makes sense, John. But Darren’s and Nick’s suggestion still seems a bit radical for me. Anyone else?
24 December 2011
John Burscough
The ideal gift for the goon in your life:
http://www.schula.co.uk/beautiful-plicated-ladies-bag-of-rivets-dark-brown/
29 December 2011
Chris Owens
I think it’s Two-L-yn Bowen (to rhyme with Llewelyn, but there’s two Ls in Llewelyn – well, there’s 3 Ls in total, but you get the idea).
Just trying to muddy the already-turbid waters.
8 May 2012
Martin A
I’ll wade in the turbid waters to suggest it may be ‘Two-L-yn’ in the sense his name is Lawrence Llewelyn (or something like that).
8 May 2012
Third Rate Les
Surely the odd-sounding first consonant in “Llewellyn” is just Nigel showing us his admirable Welsh pronunciation?
8 May 2012
Charles Exford
I think so too Les.
Anyway, pedantica-ll-y, there aren’t really two ‘l’s at the beginning of the name, just one ‘Ll’, which is one single separate letter in Welsh,
8 May 2012
MIKE IN COV
@Charles Exford Apr 15th, 2010
Stupendous spot on rivets, I’ve read HoD several times and am convinced you’re right.
Marlowe in effect says that everywhere connected by navigable water is one of the dark places of the earth – The Congo, London, …
“We all stink when we reach the interior”. Conrad’s characters frequently use “the interior” to refer to the region upriver of the station where Marlowe rants about rivets; and without wanting to get all lit crit, I couldn’t summarise the book better.
“Heaven, yes, distant now” also rings some sort of bell but damme if I can track it down. Not in HoD, could it be Brando as Kurtz in Apocalypse Now?
2 July 2012