The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Busking this at Embankment Tube tomorrow

179 pop songs picked over by pedants

And you can thank your lucky stars that you’re not

I’ve tried to concentrate on the later songs on this site, because the oldies are already well documented on various places around Teh Interweb; however, I’m adding The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman just to stop any more people sending in the lyrics (thanks, by the way!). And in case you’re wondering, “Dean emphatically denies this claim“, which is nice. Thanks to Neil, Nigel, Dave, EskimoEric and possibly others whose emails I’ve lost.

See lyrics to The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman

18 Letters Sent:
  1. 1

    Brian

    Surely it’s “I would shed a lonely tear”?

    Can’t really imagine shedding a lovely tear…

  2. 2

    Dave Betts

    Isn’t it ‘lonely tear’?

  3. shed a LONELY tear? no?

  4. Hmmm, let’s say it’s “shed a lonely tear” shall we? :)

  5. 5

    Bill Stow

    The spelling of the german football team should either be Borussia Moenchengladbach or if use of the umlaut is required then it would be Borussia Monchengladbach with the two dots over the ‘o’.Confusing them with Munchen with the umlaut over the ‘u’ or Muenchen if no umlaut will cause you to be visited by the Borussia skins who will smash your windows as the home side always wins. Moenchengladbach is North Germany whereas Muenchen is in the south.

    I would have passed my Geography O level if I could have found my way to the exam room

    yours etc

    Bill

  6. Oops. I would not like to offend the Borussia Skins. It’s bad enough having the Stromsgodset under fives running amok in the village.

  7. Dean Friedman has posted A Baker’s Tale on to Soundcloud. This is his response to TBSODF, as performed at the Bilston gig in 2010.

  8. 8

    Bobby String

    Interesting to see he describes Nigel as “punk’s greatest lyricist” – not sure NB would be flattered by the use of either ‘punk’ or ‘lyricist’ to describe him.

    Ô¿Ô

  9. 9

    Vendor of Quack Nostrums

    A Baker’s Tale is by no means the worst song I’ve ever heard (that would probably be by Phil Collins). – I shall categorize it in my ‘Strange, Quirky or Downright Uncatagorizable’ file alongside Susanna and the Magical Orchestra’s version of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ and Ivor Cutler’s’ Life in a Scotch Sitting Room’.

    Notice that the other track Dean has posted on Soundcloud is called Hob-Nobbin’. Is the man biscuit obsessed?

  10. 10

    John Burscough

    Dean Friedman’s on tour throughout October; anybody fancy going along to see if he’ll play ABT?

  11. 12

    Jeff Dreadnought

    Yes, according to the article, he’s planning to “extract” (sic) his revenge. Tut, tut.

  12. 13

    TWO FAT FEET

    Maybe he’s planning to “extract” the urine. Something of a one-sided contest judging by his efforts so far.

  13. 14

    Jeff Dreadnought

    The phrase “one legged man at an arse-kicking contest” springs to mind.

  14. 15

    Gregg Z

    Mr. Dreadnought, you are one of the world’s finest gentlemen. I’ve always thought the “one-legged man” phrase is about the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.

    As for Mr. Friedman, if he is planning to “extract” his revenge, perhaps someone ought to send him a jar of language pills.

    Dean Friedman seems to be living off of the success of HMHB. Funny, since the group itself can barely do that..

  15. 16

    John Burscough

    Apparently the UK band Half-Man, Half-Biscuit, had a hit with TBSODF.
    http://www.thebloomsbury.com/event/run/1575

  16. 17

    Charles Exford

    Just seen Jeff’s comment – quality. Yes, in some quarters the ‘historic moment’ feel of Deano’s appearance in Bilston last year has been allowed to mask the fact that his ‘revenge’ song is piss-poor. In fact no, that’s being too harsh on piss.

    Apparently he liked the subbuteo streaker I threw on stage though.

  17. 18

    Paddy

    Hey hey my my. Page 48 of the London Evening Standard ( it’s free and I only read the gig guide anyway) advert for our old friend Dean Friedman? “Entirely unique, utterly brilliant” sayeth the hitherto unknown magazine Three Weeks which awards five stars. (£25 a ticket seems a bit steep)

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