The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

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179 pop songs picked over by pedants

Squid yes, not so octopus

Them’s The Vagaries is (of course) another bunch of amusing observations; I don’t know why I find the “squid” line so funny. Regarding the “aviaries” stuff at the end, Nigel said: “Yeah, that’s where we do get silly. Sometimes I don’t care. But you can’t be stern-faced all your life.” Thanks to EskimoEric, Paul and Max

See lyrics to Them’s The Vagaries

38 Letters Sent:
  1. 1

    Hoagy

    Is it not “You’ll never get asked back again”?

  2. Now I listen to the song again, it could well be. So let’s have a quick straw poll:
    “You’ll never get us back again”? or
    “You’ll never get asked back again”?

  3. 3

    Brian

    Yeah, having re-listened it definitely sounds like “asked”.

  4. 4

    m i k e

    I’d vote “asked”.

    Also, I’m convinced someone points to the “finches” in the yard, not cages. It doesn’t make as much sense to call a finch an aviary, but listen to the Peel session version of this song and it’s unmistakable.

  5. 5

    Martin

    Definitely “You’ll never get asked back again” in my book.

  6. 6

    simon smith

    Always heard it as `asked`. Good to see you back, Mr Rand.

  7. OK, “asked” it is.
    @m i k e: Interesting! I’ll have a listen.

  8. 8

    Max Williams

    Brit-pop! Thank god, that line’s been bugging me since i first heard it. My mind is a marginally less troubled place now.

  9. 9

    Neil G

    Excellent. I could never work out that bit at the end where they’re singing different things at the same time. I managed ‘Aldershot’ after about two years but the rest was indistinguishable to me. Thanks to those with better ears.

  10. 10

    Ben

    I think it might be “Flip-Flop” but that’s impossible to distinguish between “Brit-Pop”

    Also is it not “Auguries” in the last refrain?

    And apologies to anyone stood next to me at a gig who’s heard me shouting “You paint a picture of my yard….and then” etc

    That “Aldershot” bit doesn’t ring true either to my ears but have no alternative suggestion.

  11. 11

    grim

    Not having listened to this in a while, but my memory’s definitely telling me it’s the “features” in the yard. Feel free to ignore it.

  12. 12

    dj

    the peel session version changes the “five day tests” line for “cliff carlyle”, cliff being the semi famous yodeler come singer who probably appeared on the val doonican show quite a lot

  13. 13

    Mic

    Is it not “Kids in earshot”. I know that upsets me.

  14. I’m convinced it’s “flip-flop” – definitely some l’s in there.

    I can’t hear “cages” – another vote for “features”. (“Finches”, perhaps? Perhaps not.)

  15. 15

    Mark

    Isn’t it “fixtures in my yard” and “fan of cobain”

  16. 16

    Bob Arctor

    I hear “Kids in Argos shops” ??

  17. 17

    RobJ

    I’m sure it’s not cages. I would also go for features.

    And it’s definitely “kids in Aldershot”

  18. 18

    Mick

    I’d go with Auguries in the last bit…here’s Wikipedia:
    The Augur was a priest and official in the classical world, especially ancient Rome and Etruria. His main role was to interpret the will of the gods by studying the flight of the birds (flying in groups/alone, what noises they make as they fly, direction of flight and what kind of birds they are), known as “taking the auspices.”

  19. @Mike: Finally I revisited the Peel session version, and I know that of course HMHB bend the lyrics in live versions, but it’s definitely “finches” there, so as the recorded version is debatable, we’ll go with that.

    @Mick/@Ben: Sorry, I’ve listened to both versions again and again, and I can’t hear the “auguries” bit. Maybe I’m missing something!

  20. 20

    Dave F.

    I’m hearing Flip-Flop.

    & Auguries, I’m afraid Chris.

    Also finches/the band/Aldershot.

    Although kids in Argos shops do p*ss me off – gangs fifteen years old girls looking for engagement rings in Elizabeth Duke. (Some of them with surprisingly large bellies!)

  21. From an interview with none other than Mr. Blackwell himself:

    You do sing “Them’s the aviaries” at the end, don’t you? I hope you do!

    “Yeah, that’s where we do get silly. Sometimes I don’t care. But you can’t be stern-faced all your life.”

    From the HMHB site

  22. Indeed – as I quoted right at the top of the page!

  23. Oh. Didn’t see that…

  24. 24

    jaeneas

    I found this download game, ‘Squid Yes, Not So Octopus 2′.
    It took me a couple of minutes to remember how I knew the quote from.
    The author checks HMHB and tea as influences.

  25. You’re right: here’s SYNSO (Squid Yes, Not So Octopus), describing it as “The only game based on one line from a Half Man Half Biscuit song”, and here’s SYNSO: Squid Harder. And here’s the author. The game’s ReadMe file credits “Nigel from Half Man Half Biscuit who wrote Them’s The Vagaries from which the title is derived”.

  26. 26

    dagenham dave

    for what it’s worth, I agree that it’s ‘asked’ and ‘kids in Aldershot’.

    Regarding the last four ‘them’s the…..’, there is at least one vocal singing ‘aviarys’ in the first line but the other three are ‘auguries’.

    Possibly.

  27. 27

    Ben

    This one needs to go back to the judge (Source) for The finches/Aldershot/Aviaries fandango.

    Any chance Exo?

  28. 28

    Charles Exford

    Ben, I’m inevitably racked with regret at all the things I never had the chance to ask. Had time for about 40 queries, and this wasn’t amongst them, because I thought I was always sure about Aldershot, finches, aviaries x 4.

    Now of course I’m not at all sure about the latter. I’m with Dagenham Dave
    now.

    Of course “auguries” isn’t generally pronounced like that, but I think that’s what the last three are. Exactly the same etymology as “aviaries” of course, so why not pronounce it like that ?

    whilst we’re on non-standard pronunciations I guess I’d better do the “alms” one next …

  29. 29

    Neil G

    Listen to the Peel Session version. It has Nigel singing on his own and it is clearly Aldershot, finches and aviaries.

  30. 30

    Charles Exford

    You’re quite right Neil, I remember now that it’s all perfectly clear from the Peel version and that’s why I didn’t feel the need to ask about this one.

    On the album version only one of the four sound like a clean “aviaries”, and it’s either cos of this ‘double tracking’ business or it’s a cock-up on the backing vocals.

  31. 31

    @steve_nicholls

    Surprised that the Avaries thing is still hotly debated after NB57 confirms this in the interview quoted above.

    Which in itself suggests that it would be finches that spark the question “what’s them things there?”

    BTW, in the “Evil Gazebo” discussion, I have accepted that my “remorse course” suggestion was wrong. Listening to HMHB on headphones makes such a difference (as with most music, I guess)

  32. 32

    Charles Exford

    Steve, we all knew Nigel sang “aviaries” at least once on the album version (and at least 4 times on the Peel version), but precisely because they are messing about, as he said in that interview, it’s not clear that all the vocalists on all the vocal tracks are singing a “v” sound on those last 3. In fact I’d say they definitely aren’t.

  33. 33

    @steve_nicholls

    fair enough … I must admit on my first hearing, I thought they were singing “Bend the aviaries”.

  34. 34

    Ricardo

    No hyphen in noseband.

    A question mark after June?

  35. 35

    @steve_nicholls

    Man charged with having photo of someone having sex with a dead squid – the charge was amended after it was admitted the animal could have been an octopus…

  36. 36

    @steve_nicholls

    I hear “Kids in Aga shops”. But that doesn’t really make as much sense as Argos shops.

    Although does anyone say “Argos shops” – isn’t it just Argos?

    I bet Nigel’s got an Aga….

  37. 37

    Ric-ardo

    My post of over 14 months ago – or post 34 (are those numbers new, or is it that I’ve just noticed them?) – seems to have passed without effect.

    May I reiterate my request to have the hyphen in noseband removed? I am prepared to offer a “remove one erroneous hyphen, remove one free” deal, by suggesting that the one in packhorse be removed also.

  38. 38

    Bobby String

    @Steve Nicholls

    If Nigel does have an Aga, I bet he at least knows how to use it!

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