The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Busking this at Embankment Tube tomorrow

179 pop songs picked over by pedants

Stick this in your Volvo glove compartment

Corgi Registered Friends is another bit of middle class bashing (see Paintball’s Coming Home, etc etc etc). And it’s one of my favourites. I’m not sure I’d like to explain to anyone why they’d need to ensure your friends were CORGI registered though. Thanks to Patrick and to gNick

See lyrics to Corgi Registered Friends

21 Letters Sent:
  1. 1

    Ian Ritson

    Second line is definitely “It’s said the one-eyed man is king”

  2. One of those ones where it depends on which version you listen to; in the Radio Merseyside gig it’s definitely “They say…” but on the album, you’re right, it’s “It’s said…”

  3. 3

    Mick Ransom

    I always thought that the last line was.. “Stick-Mitt in your Volvo” (glove compartment). Stick-Mitts are those gloves that pick all of the bits off your clothes.. and are a well known middle-class favourite!

  4. 4

    s.g.d A Shropshire Lad

    Kitzbuhel not Kitzbuehel?

  5. 5

    Third Rate Les

    Well, technically Kitzbühel with an umlaut on the u, but in the absence of that it’s conventional to put an e afterwards (which is what an umlaut means).
    So you’re kind of right, but so am I. Which is nice.

  6. 6

    Charles Exford

    Last night on 6Music, Gideon Coe was plugging some sort of festival-coverage-type-promotion. I paraphrase:
    “Although I live by the Tao of Half Man Half Biscuit and believe we should always say “Glastonbury”, on this occasion I will make an exception” [and say "Glasto" cos it's in the name of the contest or whatever it was].

    Now I dunno about you lot, but to me this is another example of a typical tendency for HMHB fans to perhaps misunderstand the kind of fun that is being poked, and to spread the tar too broadly and the feathers indiscriminately.

    I read the song as slamming those pretentious armchair BBC2 Glastonbury watchers who would say “Glasto” without ever having been there or without ever wishing to go there while it has anything even slightly interesting left about it.

    Not slamming everyone who either (i) goes there, or (ii) says “Glasto” if they do.

    c.f. CAMRA-men, often worthy of satire. CAMRA itself, surely a noble cause. He said, quaffing from last Sunday’s beer festival leftovers (Isle of Arran Brewdog at 10% cos it’s spent months in old whisky barrels) and wondering whether to un-tuck his shirt.

  7. 7

    Ben

    I think it’s aimed at people who say “Glasto’”, period. And rightly so.

    I loved Nigels audible sigh when introducing CAMRAman at Sheffield last year before saying “this one’s about me as much you lot”

  8. 8

    Dave F.

    “I think it’s aimed at people who say “Glasto’”, period. And rightly so.”

    Yes.

    Even saying ‘Glastonbury’ is ridiculed by many who live locally, to whom it will always be Pilton Pop.

  9. 9

    Mr Larrington

    It’s always been known as Glazed’n'furry round these parts.

  10. 10

    Charles Exford

    Do any other listeners to the eight repetitions of the final line think there might be a bit of “boho loft apartment” going on, auguries-style, on a double track underneath one or two of the “volvo glove compartment”s?

    Diabolic hidden messages and all that? If anyone confirms this I’ll certainly be using it as my excuse next time I burn down someone’s attic boudoir.

  11. 11

    TWO FAT FEET

    Was the last occasion disguised as an investigation of Shane Fenton’s body’s whereabouts?

  12. I agree with Ben. It’s clearly poking fun at people who say “Glasto” for saying “Glasto”. It’s one of those irritating unnecessary abbreviations like “The Weddoes” or “footy” (yes indeedy) or “Mozza” or “Barca” or “hols” or “mart” or “BBQ” or any number of mysterious words you find in car magazines.

    As Ben also rightly says, when he pokes fun it’s often at things we all do, including him. That’s what makes them funny. If he only made fun of the Duke of Westminster and his good lady wife it wouldn’t be as good.

  13. 13

    Dave Wiggins

    I deactivated (which is, I believe, the parlance) well-known Social Network ‘Facebook’, due to the number of beauts making reference to ‘Glasto’. Fact. Oh, and ‘hubby’. Was down in London, last week, and ended up watching a friendly on the astro-turf off Camden Road. One of the teams was called ‘Barca’, and played in a Barcelona kit. Given that there wasn’t a non-caucasian amongst them, the preposterous affectation caused me to give up by half time. In any event, I only had ten bullets, and there were eleven in ‘Barca’.

  14. 14

    Vendor of Quack Nostrums

    ‘Tread softly for you tread on my jokes’, as Muggeridge wrote; surely a man who would have understood the satire, irony and sledgehammery of Nigel’s subtle and none too subtle barbs what he thrusts into the pretentiousness of all of us at some point or other. Yes indeedy, it is more wince-making when I drive the point home thus: Morrissey (why is ‘Moz’ ok, but not ‘Mozza’ BTW?) opened his Glastonbury set this year with the words “Hello Glasto, fancy seeing me here”. I immediately replaced the judiciously placed comma in’ Neil, Morrissey’s a knobhead’. ‘Glasto’ is a no-no under any circumstances.

    However, we are all guilty somewhere along the line right? I’m a CAMRA man meself. There I’ve said it, but I’m gonna sort it out. Also when Achtung Bono was released I felt rather uneasy singing along to ‘Stick this in your Volvo (glove compartment)’ as I was driving around in one at the time. Solid car, Your Honour, reliable too, but a bit heavy on the fuel. More practical than a Bonneville in bits anyhow.

    @ Exxo: I’ve listened repeatedly to the repetitious ending and managed to convince myself that it’s actually both phrases you suggest and indeed every combination within. I’m actually currently hearing ‘Boho glove compartment’. Maybe it’s the somewhat muddy production, maybe it’s unclear elocution, maybe it’s diabolic double tracking, but good luck in trying to get Chris to change anything. Surging out of Convalescence still has ‘but I know that they don’t know, therefore’ as a lyric rather than ‘but I know that they don’t know their board’. This has been mildly irking me for nigh on two years now.

  15. 15

    Charles Exford

    I suggest you stand nearer the front at gigs, Vendor.

    In fact stand at the front after watching yourself form /b/ and /f/ in the mirror, repeatedly.

    (Just realised that sounds like some sort of punishment from a sadistic schoolteacher somewhere in Birkenhead during the late 70s, errm, sorry).

  16. 16

    TWO FAT FEET

    Have to side with Exxo on this one; the verse is clearly about people who don’t actually go to Glastonbury but refer to it as if they are regulars even though it’s clearly not for them. It’s doesn’t necessarily judge whether the term ‘Glasto’ itself is acceptable.

  17. 17

    Charles Exford

    Yes, most of Spain refers to Barcelona as ‘Barca’, a useful abbrevaition to distinguish the club from the city, and most kids on the Wirral grow up talking about ‘footy’ every day. It’s just a question of who uses them and with what affectation. Same for ‘Glasto’.

    But don’t get me started on people who abbreviate the fine name of Half Man Half Biscuit.

  18. “Biccies”. “Xmas”. “Fave”. “Yooooni”. The word “invite” used as a noun.

    I agree with your point about Barca and would add Inter, Juve and dozens more (although Borussia Moenchengladbach seem admirably keen on retaining their full name), and I agree that “footy” is only annoying when deployed by the likes of Adrian/Sophie Horn.

    However, Glasto is an ugly abbreviation that takes an ancient name full of mythical resonance and rhythm and makes is sound like an ugly kitchen cleaning product, and I maintain that there’s an audible sneer there which isn’t only aimed at hippy watchtower fans.

  19. 19

    John Burscough

    “Sarnies”. “Pressies”. “Crimbo”. “Man U”. (Fun, this, isn’t it?)

  20. 20

    Jeff Dreadnought

    Hubby.

  21. The line about “Barca” in Bad Wools made me laugh after we’d had this discussion just a month before it came out.

    Add Your Bit:

    Here comes The Black Horse...

    ...There goes the Brown Cow


    Design: Grid Focus by Derek Punsalan, 5thirtyone.com

    Page optimized by WP Minify WordPress Plugin