The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

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179 pop songs picked over by pedants

They can preach naked from the waist downwards

With the Peel/BBC Sessions material being so readily available online nowadays, it’s the EP-only obscurities which are probably the least well-known HMHB songs. Ecclesiastical Perks can be obtained – here – online if it somehow passed you by! There are a couple of guesses towards the end, which some of you might have thoughts on. Thanks to Sanchez and Sarah

See lyrics to Ecclesiastical Perks

17 Letters Sent:
  1. 1

    celery

    Possibly
    ‘I’m gonna bottle up my love’ instead of ‘I want a bottle of my love’
    and
    ‘Near Fakenham’ (?) instead of ‘Dear Fake Nun’.

  2. Both seem likely, I’d say. Any seconders?

  3. 3

    Dave F.

    I concure with Celery’s first point.

    But not sure of the second.
    I can well imagine a fake nun with jokes breasts driving around without seat belts attached.

    It’s something that the likes of Gascoigne would have done in the autumn of ’96.

    Fierce Panda – another record label. How many is that now?

  4. Agree with Celery’s first point as well, the following line doesn’t really make sense if it’s ‘I want a bottle of my love’.

  5. 5

    dirk the purist

    I vote for Fakenham – another racecourse name check and also missed from the map

  6. 6

    John Anderson

    I’ve never imagined it to be anything other than “bottle up my love” which seems to be a wonderful parody on those “Christians can still be trendy” songs you occasionally hear on Songs of Praise (not that I watch it, you understand).

    The Fake Nun/Fakenham bit is harder to define. I reckon it could be “Near Fakenham/Fake breasts on.” My mate’s Mum lives in Fakenham and it doesn’t appear to be the kind of place where fake breasts would be encouraged, hence the irony.

  7. That’s enough from the pro-Fakenham lobby to sway me. I’m getting worried by the prevalence of Naafolk references over Suffolk ones, but at least Town (Brazil, Zondervan) hold sway over the Canaries.

  8. 8

    NIck Ink

    Love this song, hilarious.

    nothing else to add, except a burning need to pop up now and again and say thanks for this site.

  9. 9

    Godsy

    I hear “I wanna bottle up my love”, which I think makes more sense anyway. This orgasmic Christianity would be an ongoing emotion rather than a future action. Also come on Norfolk references!

  10. 10

    nickinko

    The apostrophe should be ‘each other’s arses’, I think.

    I have understood correctly that insane pedantry is actively encouraged here, haven’t I?

  11. 11

    Charles Exford

    Yes you have. Which is why I say yes and no.

    Because in a way no it shouldn’t. “Each other’s arse” is of course grammatically correct. But as they haven’t both got more than one arse it’s all pretty much up for grabs. As it were.

    Or in other words you’re probably right but not definitely, so let’s quibble insanusly.

  12. I think it would be fun to put our quandary to one of those English Language forums and watch them quibble there.

  13. 13

    Ricardo

    There isn’t a quibble to be had, though, is there? I was always taught to treat “each other” as a singular pronoun, therefore it’s “each other’s arses”. You wouldn’t say “the arses belonging to each others”.

  14. 14

    Charles Exford

    But because they haven’t got more than one arse each, and because Baal forbid we accuse NB57 of a grammatical slip, the only way around the conundrum for me is to think of it as the arses belonging to the others, and treat is as an unusual version of the conventional word order for a sentence meaning “they each can smack others’ arses”.

  15. 15

    Ricardo

    We could be at each other’s throats over this. *Does winky emoticon thing*

  16. 16

    Charles Exford

    And while I’m at it I wish to coin the term “malapopism”. This should mean a comment in which one pedant has a pop at someone else for a grammatical, punctuational, lexical, syntactical or orthographic mistake, and in the process makes one or more such slips himself.
    I have often malapopped in my malapops. I am often guilty of malapopism.

    Not long now before malapop men are called Charlie.

  17. 17

    nickinko

    ‘I have often malapopped in my malapops’

    A ‘metamalapop’?

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