Half Man Half Biscuit: Your Best PBRs - "life is a Perpetual Biscuit Reference"

Your PBRs…

You know those moments when something happens and it immediately brings to mind a Half Man Half Biscuit lyric? On the Y! Music (i.e Yahoo Groups) Half Man Half Biscuit Mailing List, and perhaps beyond, this is known as a PBR, because “life is a Perpetual Biscuit Reference”. Anyway, by popular demand (OK, one person’s suggestion), here’s a page where you can record any noteworthy PBRs. Particularly good ones would be two or three references occurring together in majestic harmony, rather than “I sat behind a Chinese student on the number three bus the other day and he was carrying a Ken Hom Wok Set” (which is true, by the way, and I giggled for the whole journey). Over to you!

123 Letters Sent:

Paul F

My favourite (as already posted on the For What is Chatteris page):

I was walking back from the pub a while back, with a mate of mine, a fellow Scouse HMHB fan, in the small Berkshire village where I live. As we were walking he asked me if we had many “drive-by shoutings” in the village. Not 30 seconds later, a car sped past us and the lad in the front passenger seat leaned out the window and yelled “Fuck off” at us.

Jan 9th, 2009
Mr Larrington

For the first night of Paris-Brest-Paris in 2007, I had the first verse of “Our Tune” on permanent loop in my head. With some 90 miles to go, a combination of lack of sleep and Pro-Plus overdose meant I /did/ end up in the ambulance…

Jan 12th, 2009
Peter Gandy

Last summer whilst flicking through the TV channels I happened upon an episode of Holby City, and immediately burst into “He looked out of the aeroplane…”. I decided to test how many things would occur in the next 24 hours to which I could make refernce to HMHB. It turned out that there were nine, including three in five minutes whilst watching that ‘news’ programme with Adrian Chiles (can’t think of its name): switching on Blackpool lights, the Fritillary butterfly, and one other that I have forgotten.

Jan 16th, 2009
Paul F

I was just listening to the 5Live sports news and they were interviewing the Cardiff Blues (Rugby Union) coach, Dai Young.

Jan 24th, 2009
Ben

I had King of Hi-Vis in my head all day after reading Simon Hoggart’s column yesterday.

Jan 24th, 2009
Charles Exford

Ha ha, yes, if Friday’s Hoggart column was full of lanyards, then Saturday’s state-of-the-nation rant made me think of a sort of National Shite Day in which the narrator _does_ want to go to Cuba. Or something.

Meanwhile, can we post here when non-HMHB original HMHB lyrics get quoted in the media ? Well, here goes then ! The first episiode of BBC 4’s Folk America last Friday was always likely to be one for the Biscuiteers to savour: how many of the great early blues tunes or lyrics oft-quoted by our lads would be featured ? I guessed at least several, Mrs. Exford said probably a couple or more, and we weren’t disappointed.

After about 18 mins & again more extensively on about 55 mins (of a
one-hour show) we had Blind Lemon Jefferson singing ‘See that my
Grave’s kept Clean’ (indeed we saw almost those precise noble words
inscribed on his tombstone).

Then there were the much earlier spirituals, not really referred to in
the narrative but just played in snatches in the background – after
about 19.5 mins we had a snatch of ‘Old Time Religion’, and after 34
minutes ‘Wade in the Water’ (thankfully not the relatively recent Eva Cassidy version).

There was a good few minutes about the Brakeman (from Tyrolean Knockabout) himself, yodelling Jimmie Rodgers, on 50-53 mins, including a few bars of something that I think had a heavy influence on the yodelling bit at the end of a ‘Country practice’ (53 mins or so). Freeze frame if you’d like to to read the trackside memorial plaque commemorating Rodgers as the founder of C & W.

I don’t think we can expect as many Biscuit influences in future
episodes,and it’s only on your i-player til 9pm this Friday 30th Jan (how
appropriate – the lads exact onstage time) so check it, innit yea ?

And can we also post here when radio DJ’s refer to the lyrics after playing a HMHB number ? “Aintree0252 from the mailing list points out that after `Joy Division oven gloves’ was given airtime on the Radcliffe & Maconie show last Wednesday night (21st)

And just to add a twist to the tale, Aintree025 tells us, Gordon Burns (he of local news in the northwest, Krypton factor, etc) was guesting on said programme, when it was pointed out to him that he featured in the lyrics.

Track played, and Burns seemingly presented with a copy of Achtung Bono as a memento. Available on the iPlayer thingy, Aintree 025 tells us, until this coming Wednesday 28 Jan – Fast forward until about 1 hr 20 mins for the relevant bit.

Cheers,

Exxo

Jan 26th, 2009
Chris The Siteowner

Don’t forget this page you’re on is for PBRs (occurrences which bring HMHB lyrics to mind), whereas this page is for bigging up people who knowingly quote HMHB in the media.

Jan 26th, 2009
Charles Exford

Apologies Chris – I realised the difference between the pages but just thought I was replying to a post in ‘media’ as Ben had mentioned a Guardian column …. silly me, must try harder.

You’ve given a nice precise definition of the distinction there (and who would expect any less from a technical journalist ?) but I still can’t decide where to post my next offering …. if I’m quoting _myself_, doing some comic verse on 606 on 5 Live, flattering-by-imitation-but-not-quoting the Biscuit ? It could be in PBR’s, it could be in the thread for the song itself (Referee’s Alphabet) or it could be in the media…. I’m guessing you’d prefer it in media ?

Awkward Exford

Jan 26th, 2009
Chris The Siteowner

I wasn’t specifically referring to anyone Charles, now stop it.

Jan 26th, 2009
RobJ

Not sure if this counts, but…

I was walking to work this morning and “Improv Workshop Mimeshow Gobshite” was playing on the MP3 player.

I came to a crossing and at the exact second that the line “Cats, Phantom, Starlight, Les” played, a bus cruised past carrying a large advert for Les Miserables.

More than just a PBR?

Jan 29th, 2009
Richard

Not sure where this belongs, but last nights Coronation Street (the second episode I think) had a darts match (I think there was a special celebrity darts player; one looked familar but I am not a darts expert).

Anyway, the team need 76, and with two darts, the darts player won on the bull (double 13, bull I suppose). Shades of Surging out of Convalescence.

No soap darts.

Feb 3rd, 2009
a_p

The rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool played in Bridgwater last month — http://www.bridgwaterartscentre.co.uk/WhatsonJan09.htm. Wonder if he took time out to check out the nearby Quantocks?

Feb 11th, 2009
Neil G

This isn’t a PBR but there doesn’t seem to be anywhere else to put it. HMHB recorded David Wainwright’s Feet for the album Colours Are Brighter (which is available from Amazon at £39.99!). If you just want to hear the HMHB contribution, you can hear it on the new Spotify website. It’s the only HMHB track available on there but since it’s one that many of us may not have heard before, it’s worth signing up. It’s free.

Mar 21st, 2009
Paul F

I overheard my wife on the phone recently (a non-HMHB fan obviously) say somone was up shit creek, and was not only without a paddle, but “didn’t even have a canoe”. The next day a German work colleague asked if I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel (economically), and if so, was it an oncoming train?

Mar 25th, 2009
Paul F

A somewhat spooky one here. I was listening to “Christian Rock Concert” in the car, and as I heard the words “Get thee behind me Stryper
I’ve played your records backwards” I glanced at the dashboard display which told me that my estimated range on the diesel I had just filled up with was 666 miles…

Mar 27th, 2009
Jan

Sometime ago, Number One Daughter was invited to Avebury at Halloween. She came home full of tales about the folk she had met, and handed me a present, a little notebook made from handmade paper. “Oh, lovely,” I cried, “but why this? What is it?” “Mother,” she retorted, “I’m shocked. Don’t you know a quaint notepad for weekend pagans when you see one?”

Oh, and, should Mr Jan and I be surprised by an invitation on the hoof, so to speak, with both of the inviting couple right there, grinning away as if they’ve just handed us a ticket to paradise, all one of us has to do is say “That’s sure to be good” to let the other one know precisely how they feel.

Mar 27th, 2009
Justin

A first class fish and chip shop according to The Times Top 10 Fish and Chip Shops in the UK.

7. Petrou Brothers (Cambridgeshire)

23 West Park Street, Chatteris, PE16 6AL (T: 01354 692234; http://www.petroubrothersfishandchips.co.uk)

Current champions of Eastern England, Mark and Pete Petrou are former winners of the national title and offer a modern take on fish and chips with their forward-thinking shop. Having won numerous awards for training and development, customers are promised top-notch service from the knowledgeable staff. A variety of alternative species are available including hake, pollack, hoki and coley, as well as smoked salmon and haddock. Health conscious visitors can opt for steamed fish and new potatoes or sample the shop’s homemade fish cakes, made entirely with natural ingredients and locally-sourced produce.

Mar 27th, 2009
Pete

my girlfriend recently described some new singer-songwriter or other as “the new Nick Drake”.

Mar 30th, 2009
Mick Ransom

That BBC Timeteam documentary on telly this week about Ernie Shackleton retreating close to the pole, as he didnt want men dying to achieve his goal – 100 years on from that glorious failure some of the relatives of the original 1909 Polar team eventually achieved his goal.
Better still, double Biscuit joy was to be had – a bloke was clad in a ‘Lowe Alpine’ bobble hat.
I gave a little grin.

Apr 6th, 2009
Mr Larrington

Bob Wilson was on the “Today” programme this morning. The BBC shouldn’t spring that stuff on me when I’m driving to work – it could cause an accident…

Apr 30th, 2009
pjdoyle

I went to a wedding, once.

May 6th, 2009
Charles Exford

Whenever I notice a Biscuit-referenced horse running I always have a small wager, especially if the racecourse is also referenced in lyrics, e.g. “Mr. Ed” ran at Hereford recently (and did actually cross the line firest, but unfortunately minus his rider).

Anyway, just I won a few quid on “Classic Swain” at Newton Abbott. Sorry Fredorarci I should have contacted you with the tip. Didn’t have to wait long for them to weigh in either.

May 7th, 2009
Jan

Number One Daughter has just texted on her way to Somerset to say she has passed a sign saying Asparagus, Next Left. It being a bit early for Asparagus, I wonder if they know precisely what they’re saying and who would understand it.

May 8th, 2009
pjdoyle

Just been sent this by the Guardian via email: ( Sorry for the cut and past job as the efffect is better on the email)/

The Guardian and Observer guides to Performing
Part one: Acting, Part two: Singing
(3 characters)

ACT 1
The GUARDIAN and OBSERVER enter stage left, and join YOU – already on stage, reading from a script and practising lines.

SCENE 1

YOU
Guardian and Observer! – what are you doing here? …what are those?

GUARDIAN
(dramatically)

Oh these are for you – two very special guides to aid you in all aspects of your trade. The first to help you act with confidence, passion and skill.

OBSERVER
(sings)

And the second to help you sing with clarity, like the lark.

GUARDIAN & OBSERVER place the guides down in front of you.

YOU
How do you know all this?

GUARDIAN
We have learnt from the very best – from RADA, the Royal Academy of Music and a host of stars from stage and screen.

YOU
And what do I owe you for these guides? What do you want from me?

GUARDIAN
We want nothing extra from you – consider them our gift.

CURTAIN

May 8th, 2009
a_p

Jan,

A Somerset Biscuit run…

…through Bridgwater, along the A39 at the foot of the Quantocks, pass by a sign offering hanging baskets (sold out), then a sign for asparagus next left (with the added teaser of rhubarb) — all in the space of a few miles.

May 8th, 2009
Dave F.

Hi Jan

Just to let you know, May is bang in the middle of Asparagus season.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/mostof_asparagus.shtml

Haven’t you been watching all those TV culinary shows?
They’ve got the stuff coming out of their ears, along with scallops, which appears to be trendy at the moment.

And as A_P points out, there appears to be numerous cottage industry farmers in Somerset, who are in the the joke. No idea why.

May 9th, 2009
Jan

Brilliant, both! Sadly, I’m on one of those elimination diets so “All the chefs on TV we’ll avoid/culinary bores must be destroyed”, or words to that effect. You’re on the money there, Dave, I’m seriously out of the loop aspargus-wise. A_P, sounds like it would be dangerous for me to drive in Somerset…..

BUT — in the middle of researching something entirely un-Biscuit-related (growing more and more convinced there is No Such Thing) I found the following (stick with me, guys):

Former players who attended the (Emirates) museum’s unveiling ceremony on October 12 included Kenny Sansom, John Radford, and Paul Davis who along with **Bob Wilson**, Charlie George, Sammy Nelson and Perry Groves will be leading the Legends Tours operated by the museum.

Bob Wilson, tour guide. You couldn’t make it up.

May 10th, 2009
Charles Exford

Let’s face it, ‘asparagus next right’ signs are going to cause all kinds of nasty accidents and the local constabulary have probably been quite justified in removing them all.

May 11th, 2009
Mr Larrington

This story has just popped up on The Register:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/11/tram_crash_texting/

May 11th, 2009
Charles Exford

You had me wondering if Chigley was syndicated in the States (was it ?) till I saw that the title had been added this side of the pond.

(***IRRELEVANT & SPURIOUS REST-OF-POST ALERT***STOP READING NOW IF YOU VALUE BREVITY AND RELEVANCE)

…but the uncanny thing for me reading the full story from the Boston site is that in the sentence “the collision happened near the Government Center M.B.T.A. stop” you’ve got PBRs (personal Boston references) from my 2 favourite Boston acts, Jonathan Richman, who sang about

“Rockin’ at the Government Center,
to make the secretaries feel better,
as they stick the stamps on the letter”

and the Dropkick Murphys, who sang about

….the story of a big ol’ skinhead
On a tragic and fateful day
Put 10 cents in his pocket, kissed his wife and family
And went to ride on the M.B.T.A

I should make up strange “connections” competitions for the radio & then get people I know to phone in and win them. Oh wait a minute, I’ve done that.

May 11th, 2009
Steve G

Journalists who try to spell an interviewee’s laugh:
http://twitpic.com/4wsbs

There’s people who can’t spell weird right driving round with thousands in the bank:
http://twitpic.com/4wsgp

May 14th, 2009
pjdoyle

Asparagus lovers strike back:

A woman was allegedly assaulted in Germany after a motorist accused her of overcharging for white asparagus.

Authorities are looking for the man after he verbally abused the 24-year-old before punching her in the face and threatening to set his attack dog on her, Reuters reports.

Police spokesman Dietmar Keck said: “The motorist said her prices were totally over the top.”

White asparagus, sometimes known as edible ivory or white gold, reportedly fluctuates in price according to the season, from 80p to nearly £9 per kilogram.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/odd/a156435/woman-assaulted-over-asparagus-prices.html

May 19th, 2009
Charles Exford

For Jan – a whole local news report dedicated to the road signs of asparagus season:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8062410.stm

Some right sinister-looking characters down the end of that particular country lane.

(But I guess in a few days this link might not work any more ?)

May 21st, 2009
pjdoyle

A missed opportunity here. The headline of this story should have been something like, “Bickering Totnes constituents are not being fair, says money-grabbing Tory MP”.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/may/21/mps-expenses-anthony-steen

May 23rd, 2009
Mr Larrington

When this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_8067000/8067683.stm

got a mention on this morning’s Today programme, I found myself singing “Who put the ‘con’ in ‘concept’? It was me!” as my motor-car paddled around the North Circular.

May 26th, 2009
Petrovic

My colleague just announced ‘Talvin Singh is following us on Twitter’.

May 26th, 2009
Mr Larrington

Apropos nothing much at all, there’s been an outbreak of HMHB lyrics over at spEak You’re bRanes: http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/2009/06/05/quite-frightening/#comments

Jun 8th, 2009
swaledale henry

“Are these my ultimate pyjamas
Is this my final dressing gown”
Any ideas as to the root of this? Its been bugging me since I first heard it. I thought perhaps from some war poet, or similar but much time on google and talking to ‘poemmy’ friends has yeilded ZERO!

Jun 9th, 2009
Dick Drake

Re Dave F’s comment on asparagus and scallops:

ODE TO PECTINIDAE OR
SCALLOPS ARE THE NEW CHORIZO

What the ell is it with scallops
They seem to be in every dish
They put em with lamb
And strawberry jam
They even put em in with fish

What the flippin eck is it with scallops
There surely cant be many left
Their sinuous ridges
End up in fridges
A favourite of every chef

What on earth is it with scallops
They must be living in bi-valve hell
Whatever their plight
It serves em right
With their flirty sub-circular shell

What the eck is it with scallops
I know its a tasty little fella
My excuse is lame
But I have to blame
St James of Compostella

I know what it is with scallops
And I also blame the TV cooks
With their fancy nosh
Trying to be posh
But I bet it sells em lots more books

So next time you eat a scallop
Think about this little verse
And however you feel
Enjoy your meal
Cos for a scallop it doesnt get much worse

Hear it performed now and then at The Bridge Inn in Grinton along with various Biscuits ditties.

Jun 9th, 2009
Blue Badge Abuser

Wrong Grave…

Let’s complain!

Jun 9th, 2009
s.g.d.,a Shropshire lad

Swaledale Henry could it be:

In the Hira of my heart, I asked nothing
from my God, but you !
You are my First, and you are my Last !
You are my ultimate aim and you are my final destination.

by Ahmad Nadeem Qasimi

s.g.d.

Jun 9th, 2009
Mr Larrington

There was, apparently, a piece on Blue Badge Abusers on the BBC’s Breakfast prog this morning.

Jun 11th, 2009
swaledale henry

SGD:it certainly could be! Cheers.
I was expecting something more along the lines of “Is this my ultimate???????? Is this my final dressing down”
It’ll do for now.

Jun 11th, 2009
Jan

Overheard in the builder’s merchant this morning: “Excuse me, is this your Sadolin?”

Had to beat a hasty retreat and shriek with laughter once in the car.

Jun 13th, 2009
John Anderson

I went to B&Q this morning. Had absolutely no idea where things are since you ask, but did see a very nice gazebo..

Jun 14th, 2009
JTone

Check out the upper right corner of the Princess Di pic (7th one down)

Jun 15th, 2009
Daryl

Tonight on ITV is this programme:

“The Unforgettable Hattie Jacques”

Which immediately my mind changed to:

“The Unburnable Hattie Jacques”

Forgive me Hattie…

Jun 21st, 2009
Dave F.

Tonight on C4 was a repeat of Celebrity Come Dine with Me, a show were a number of ‘celebrities’ go round to each others houses to be cooked a meal.

This edition involved Paul Ross with a shot of him entering what he undoubtedly calls his ‘gaff’. No fridge-freezers were in evidence though. It had ridiculously low doors for some reason.

Jul 1st, 2009
Daryl

Thought I’d mention this here.

The “curse” strikes again. Molly Sugden is dead at 86. I’m pretty sure she’s mentioned in God Gave Us Life round about 2.25. I think it’s a guide vocal that they couldn’t delete.

Here’s a link about the guide vocal think: http://cobweb.businesscollaborator.com/hmhb/news/2000a.htm

Or perhaps I’m hearing things. And let’s face it, she was quite old.
RIP Molly

Jul 2nd, 2009
Charles Exford

I finally got the chance to sing “You can’t put your foot up in Europe” in a stadium on the ‘Nent last weekend. I was once booked for said offence in Germany but it was 10 years ago and well before the song was released.

So it’s last weekend in Lviv, Ukraine, and my team had already been knocked out of this tournament for supporters’ teams from across Europe, and we’re watching the final, the local Ukrainian fans’ team v. a so-called Glasgow Rangers fans’ team.

Not only are the ‘Gers unpopular cos they’re clearly not a real fans’ team, but are full of pro-standard ringers, but also ‘cos they’re wingeing and moaning all the time.

So one of them, who we’d already been goading a fair amount from the stands, turns to the bench, moaning about being booked, and his coach shouted back:

“You can’t put your foot up like that in Europe”

So I gave the entire stadium a rousing rendition of the whole thing, since I was well, getting a bit bevviedon some rather special local ales at the time. Bemused looks all round, including from my own lads, but worth it for me.

I got loads of pressies from the lovely Bohemians fans from Prague, who were in our group at the tourny, including an ace sticker: “First Ultras on Mars”, it says in Czech, I kid you not. A man in a BPHK may well be chucking said sticker at NB57 at a stage near you soon … actually I have a very rare 1960’s Dukla v. Honved programme I’ve been meaning to give him for a while too so I’ll parcel it all up for Bath ….

Meanwhile off to play in a fans’ tourny in Italy next week, where a dog on the pitch is pretty much guaranteed every year … happy days.

Exxo

Jul 3rd, 2009
Mr Larrington

Dean Friedman was on the BBC’s Breakfast prog this morning, but fortunately I missed it.

Jul 15th, 2009
Peter Gandy

@Mr Larrington

They also spoke about the last time England beat Australia at Lords – in 1934 and led by Hedley Verity.

Jul 15th, 2009
Mr Larrington

I haven’t yet gotten around to watching “Who Do You Think You Are?” but I’m willing to wager that I’ll spend more time looking for evidence of motorway cones and Barry Venison than paying attention to the programme…

Jul 17th, 2009
Dave F.

So Mr Larrington, you won’t be joining in, in sympathy, with the now ubiquitous blubbing into a tissue scene?

Jul 17th, 2009
a_p

On the live Cricinfo commentary…

So it seems the mayor of London Boris Johnson is at the match today. Is it just me or does he look like half man, half golden retriever?

Jul 18th, 2009
Malcolm of Arimathea

I woke up oddly early on Saturday having struggled to get to sleep, vaguely wondering if I should go for a run (I am training for a distance race), turned over to look at my clock, and it was 4:06. That freaked me out a bit.

Richmond Park had to stand in for the Ogwen Lake, but still…

Jul 20th, 2009
Swanaldo

The wife wanted to buy a Bob the Builder DVD for the boys today. I objected on the grounds that “Neil Morrissey’s a knobhead.”

Aug 9th, 2009
Mr Larrington

Driving home down the M11 yesterday evening, I was just about to overtake a Berlin-registered lorry when “Little In The Way Of Sunshine” started playing.

The lorry in question had a big smiley sun painted on the back.

Spook!

Aug 19th, 2009
Ben

Blood on The Cam, Blood on The Cam
Me on Magdalene Bridge and Blood on The Cam

Aug 23rd, 2009
charliew

Not sure if this counts or no, but I keep driving past a church in a village before a motorway junction, attached to the church is a sign that says:

“last services before the motorway”

for some reason I keep thinking, asparagus next left.

Sep 10th, 2009
Ben

Sat in the pub beer garden yesterday avoiding the hordes of new found City fans tellyclapping on their game (2 miles away) on the snide Norwegian channel, with two Evertonians, one of who was bemoaning her step-dad having a ‘Free Michael Sheilds’ (Sic) car sticker, quick as flash the other Evertonian commented “There’s people who can’t spell Shields right, driving round with 000’s in the bank!”

Sep 13th, 2009
a_p

The band play Roadwater, Exmoor, and what follows? An increase in the Marsh Fritillary population according to the latest edition of the local newspaper.I suspect the article was roundly ignored.

Talking of newspapers, did you catch this Saturday’s Guardian? A free copy of Jackie magazine! Sadly no mention of Kendo Nagasaki.

Sep 13th, 2009
Wobs

Once saw a sign in Cornwall by the side of the road that “Pumpkin and Squash Suprise!” They must think we’re stupid.

And one of my local pubs used to have album covers framed on the wall, including: London Calling, Dark Side of the Sun, and ……..a Lisa Domineque album! I should explain that as she’s from Hull, it does add something to the decor.

Sep 23rd, 2009
Dave F.

Sun?

Was that an unreleased follow up?

Must be worth a bob or two.

Sep 23rd, 2009
Looney Toon

Worcester Live has in the ‘It’s What’s On’ section, Dean Friedman, Gordon Giltrap and The Eva Cassidy Story, all on in the coming months!

Oct 8th, 2009
Dave F.

Wow!
The Eva Cassidy Story.

She wrote some songs that no one liked
Until she died.
And that was only because Terry Wogan played them.
The End.

And, don’t, repeat don’t, get me started on Nick Drake.
He committed suicide because he was depressed, because no one liked his music.
Oh! the irony now.

Oct 8th, 2009
dirk the purist

Just heard that an elderly aunt of mine had written to Tom Watson, following his narrow loss at the open championship. Received a hand written reply too ! – putting Jack and Greg to shame

Oct 28th, 2009
Peter Gandy

The singer from the Goombay Dance Band was in the line up on Buzzcocks last night. And he still looks like Alan Brazil.

Nov 12th, 2009
Mr Larrington

I was watching “The Fast Show” on DVD over the weekend. In one of the earlier episodes of Series 2 the Ron Manager sketch not only uses the word “aplomb” but also mentions that the most interesting part of the match under discussion was when a small dog got loose on the pitch.

In a later show, Ron gave a fine demonstration of running backwards, thereby showing that this difficult skill was appreciated by at least one pundit.

Dec 21st, 2009
Bob

A bit of a weak one, but I knew a thoroughly miserable bastard called Frank, and I don’t doubt that at some point he went through a state of depression in his bedroom.
(Sealclubbing)

Dec 26th, 2009
Bob

Also it’s a constant and indisputable fact of life that Neil Morrissey’s a Knobhead.

Dec 26th, 2009
Swanaldo

Double whammy from tonight’s Emmerdale… Firstly, the red-haired strumpet asked her son if he had had “a row on New Year’s Eve”, then there was clearly some ‘darts in soap opera’ action in the closing scenes…no-one seemed to be scoring.

Jan 1st, 2010
Peter Gandy

Guitar Heroes at the BBC on New Years Day had Focus – are you knackered man?, followed by Man – Welsh rockers.

Jan 4th, 2010
Mr Larrington

Ever since I was a Penniless Student Oaf, I’ve blithely assumed that the cast of characters in “The Trumpton Riots” actually live in Trumpton, to the extent that I flew into a big stabby rage at John Humphrys last night when, on “Celebrity Masterbonce”, he claimed that Dr Mopp and Mrs Honeyman come from Camberwick Green. So this morning I consulted teh Interwebs prior to firing off a Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells at the BBC, only to discover that he’s right.

I feel dirty now.

Jan 8th, 2010
John Anderson

I recently received my annual interest statement fom Nationwide.

It’s signed by the Senior Operations Manager in Account Maintenance one Neil Crossley.

Maybe that’s the inspiration for ITMA.

Jan 10th, 2010
Peter Gandy

Multi-talented Sinnitta – she yet again highlighted the irony in those lyrics last night on the Ice Dancing programme.

Jan 11th, 2010
Swanaldo

Somethings definitely afoot on Emmerdale….. Yesterday someone was referred to as a ‘lackey’, and there was an unfeasibly large poster of Cuba in someone’s house.

Jan 12th, 2010
slowmotionstranger

having loved HMHB since i was 12 i thought i’d died and gone to heaven when Pato told me he was engineering their next album, CSI.
I was invited along during a recording session and was desperate to finish work on time to make sure i got there, sometimes it’s cool being a mate of the bloke…
from behind the counter in Micro Music i saw an old lady collapse outside and ran out to try and help her but there was nothing i could do, she died from a heart attack as i held her.
By the time i arrived at the studio my head was a mess, i just sat and stared for most of the time and the band must have thought i was weerd.
What should have been the greatest time i ever had turned into one of my saddest memories and all i could think was
“We stand around in bus queues and die in midweek.”
This is 100% true. Sad but true. Life plays cruel tricks sometimes…

Jan 14th, 2010
slowmotionstranger

Oh yes, by the way, she was waiting for the 86.

Jan 14th, 2010
Charles Exford

Intriguing story SMS. Can definitely hear the Ken Hancock bird noises influence at work in your King of Rock’n'Roll.

Jan 15th, 2010
John Anderson

A bonanza weekend for broadsheet acceptability

Saturday’s Guardian magazine contained a lifestyle feature about Wantage, but sadly there was no mention of the unavailability of “Teenage Eskimo”.

And one of the clues in Sunday’s Observer crossword was “Awful hardship so real in a volume of poetry (1,10,3).”

I’ll leave you to work it out.

Feb 1st, 2010
Peter Gandy

Hope this link works. The article ticked so many boxes for me.

Feb 1st, 2010
Neil G

“And one of the clues in Sunday’s Observer crossword was ‘Awful hardship so real in a volume of poetry (1,10,3).’”

A Shropshire Lad. I claim my £20 book token.

Feb 2nd, 2010
John Anderson

My wife’s going to the Winter Olympics later this month (as a ticket executive not a competitor, I hasten to add) which means that I will become a Nordic ski widower.

But she’s still my downhill lady.

Feb 3rd, 2010
Colin

Two things happened on Tuesday in the wilds of Cardiff. I nearly got taken out by someone careering out of Boots without due care and attention – only some nifty footwork not seen since the days of Dead Shot Keen avoided certain death! Then when going for a late lunch break, I heard the definite tune of “When the evening sun goes down” echoing around me as I walked down the street; taking a moment to regain my senses, I realised it was blasting from a parked vehicle next to me. Now its not often I hear the Biscuit being played in the street, so I had to stop and speak to the driver on his excellent taste in music. If you read this, fellow Biscuit-head from Cardiff, thank you for brightening up my day.

Feb 4th, 2010
dagenham dave

HMHB in my opinion do bring people closer together. If I wear a HMHB t-shirt to a gig I invariably have complete strangers approach me and either smile and nod or as happened at a Wedding Present gig shake my hand.
Recently whilst in the queue in Waitrose I was wearing my HMHB hat, the bloke in front of me smiled and whilst packing his shopping said “I hate Nerys Hughes”, confused the woman on the till no end. Just before he left he told me that he was in a band that supported HMHB once, didn’t say who they were though.
This post does appear to indicate that I’m always wearing some HMHB clothing – I don’t.

Feb 4th, 2010
Mr Larrington

I was watching the Inspector Morse episode “Cherubim And Seraphim” the other night in which assorted teenage rave types top themselves accompanied by the sort of stuff which doubtless got ten out of ten in Jockey Slut and four out of five in Mixmag.

I couldn’t help but mumble “Eggs bread cigs milk” and “A552″ for most of the two hour duration.

Feb 5th, 2010
dagenham dave

Every time I heard this on the news my mind jumped to a certain line from ‘Them’s The Vagaries’

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8484116.stm

Feb 6th, 2010
Nigel Evans

No problem Colin!!! It was a shock to see someone come up to the car with such an inquisitous look on their face and ask “Is that……………..”. Made me and the Mrs laugh anyway!!!!!

Feb 6th, 2010
John Anderson

Something may definitely be afoot the Guardian magazine. Last week’s property section featured Wantage and this week it’s Machynlleth.

I’m fully expecting articles on Bridgwater, Chatteris and Capel Curig to appear in coming weeks..

Feb 7th, 2010
Mr Larrington

I’ve just had a “shit sellotape” moment.

Feb 12th, 2010
dagenham dave

All this Winter Olympics coverage brings to mind ‘Malayan Jelutong’…

although seeing what’s happened to one participant I’m not sure I would ‘like to have a go at that’…..

Feb 13th, 2010
Peter Gandy

Seems like John’s Guardian theory could be correct. This week it’s lets move to Ely.

Feb 14th, 2010
Daryl

Dagenham Dave

I was thinking about ’steering a luge to new dimensions.’ After the weekend’s events in Canada, however, I’ve now decided against it.

Feb 14th, 2010
Paul F

At Wycombe Leisure centre for a swimming gala this weekend, I noticed a leaflet entitled “CSI Wycombe” (which turned out be about “Community Support Information”).

Feb 15th, 2010
Ben

It’s about as prosaic as a PBR can get, but I drove through Capel Curig today, traffic was light.

Feb 15th, 2010
steve nicholls

Ricky Tomlinson gets the Farmfoods phone call … http://www.visit4info.com/advert/New-Years-Eating-Farmfoods/81129

Feb 15th, 2010
Mr Larrington

I saw this:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/17/big_screen_entertainment/

and immediately thought of “National Shite Day”. Sadly the culprit turned out to be a 40-year-old unemployed man in the Black Sea port of Novorossiysk rather than a junior employee.

Feb 18th, 2010
Ben

Got home this evening to be surprised by my annual water-bill, not pleasantly either.

Feb 18th, 2010
Peter Gandy

Just got an easy jet back from Amsterdam.

Feb 20th, 2010
John Anderson

I’ve just gone through St Neots on the way back from the postponed game at Peterborough. Further down the line at Hitchin there was a bus with “Rail Replacement Service” on the front. But sadly the Guardian magazine’s run of HMHB related towns is over (unless there’s a reference to Saffron Walden somewhere that I’ve missed).

Feb 20th, 2010
Ben

John, I’m suffering with you in terms of wasted football trips. Thankfully as ‘an M6ster’ I wasn’t waylaid by North Staffs Police after a turgid game at the Bescott

Feb 21st, 2010
Chris The Siteowner

Not really a PBR, but I feel as excited as Amy Williams this morning because I’m the world’s highest scorer at Vatican Broadside on Tune Runner on the iPhone, with 7,311 points. Take that, kids.

Feb 21st, 2010
Dave Wiggins

Ben, whilst discussing our 1970’s holidays at Merseyside Christian Youth Camps in Abererch, North Wales, an associate of mine asked if I remembered “them (sic) bottle-necks at Capel Curig”. He claims never to have heard the said track, but I remain unconvinced.

Feb 22nd, 2010
Dave Wiggins

One of our company directors was called Mr Edmunds (as in Dave, but, sadly, not Noel). Notwithstanding the ‘incorrect’ spelling, I used to enjoy notifying his secretary when his regular contacts turned up for an appointment.

Feb 22nd, 2010
Charles Exford

I think from when I was about 8 years old in the early 70s the phrase “Bottle Neck at Capel Curig” was continually emblazoned on my consciousness, from the warning signs on the A5.

Feb 23rd, 2010
Neil G

I started putting some of my books and CDs up for sale on Amazon a couple of weeks ago and I’ve sold about ten things. In wrapping them up I have had more than one ’shit sellotape’ moment. I guess I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and invest in some good quality stationery, if I can be bothered getting up.

Feb 23rd, 2010
Neil G

I was just reading ‘The Problem of Increasing Human Energy, with Special References to the Harnessing of the Sun’s Energy’ by Nikola Tesla, as you do, when I came across this line: “The individual is ephemeral, races and nations come and pass away but man remains”. I wonder which man he was thinking of. There’s no mention of snide rosettes or sacks of Candarel but, you never know.

Feb 23rd, 2010
Mr Larrington

I found myself watching the plucky BRITONS getting knocked out of the Olympic curling by a posse of Canadian werepigs last night (there was no paint drying to be found on any other channel) and, noting that curling is merely bowls for people without lawns, found myself continually mumbling “never trust a crown green bowler under thirty”.

Feb 24th, 2010
Paul F

Capel Curig was indeed a notorious bottle neck in days of yore.

Feb 24th, 2010
Dave Wiggins

Being in the Public Sector, I regularly have to deal with queries from the PHSO (Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman – aka, simply, ‘The Ombudsman’). Indeed, when The Ombudsman (Ms Ann Abraham, triv fans) launched her ‘Principles of Good Adminstration’ back in 2007, I was delighted to be invited to Millbank Tower, for a Westminster soiree, which, ironically, commenced just as the evening sun went down.

Feb 27th, 2010
Sim

Did I dream it or am I going mad?

I’m sure I listened to a HMHB song a while back that was on the theme of a male ‘Sex In The City’ and mentioned spending time in the Hamptons, but Northampton and Southampton are so far apart and as for Wolverhampton, well, don’t go there! Being from Wolverhampton this particularly tickled me and I’ve been trying to find this song again!

Can anyone help me out and let me know the name of this song or just put my mind at rest and tell me I have gone mad!!??

Mar 1st, 2010
Sim

Sorry if my last post is int the wrong place but I couldn’t find where else to put it!

Mar 1st, 2010
dagenham dave

Sim, that doesn’t sound even vaguely familiar but the idea of it does make me laugh.

Mar 1st, 2010
Sim

Dagenham Dave (and everyone esle!), sorry but I’ve just realised after extensive searching that I was indeed going mad and it was actually a Mitchell & Webb Sound sketch that I was thinking of!

Mar 1st, 2010
Mr Larrington

I have just been informed that Dr Larrington, who has visited Iceland on many occasions, is to take her holibobs in Cuba this year. I fear for her on!ons.

Mar 4th, 2010
steve nicholls

This is probably a quite common story, but today’s Blue Badge Abuser story is from the Birmingham Post http://bit.ly/9RRGUc

Mar 4th, 2010
RobJ

Not quite exact, but Fistral Beach was a runner in the big race at Kempton Park last Saturday. Wonder if Ruby Walsh suffered a bout of wave rage after he got unshipped early on?

Mar 5th, 2010
Exxo

Cheers Rob. I missed this one (normally it’s biscuit-relatedness would have meant a heads-up on the Yahoo list) ‘cos I was on Bundesliga 2 service in Germany last weekend, but I notice it goes at the Cheltenham Festival on the Thursday (18th, 1.30pm), and if Ruby’s rage has subsided I’ll be on board with him.

Mar 5th, 2010
Ricardo

HMHB have suddenly appeared on Spotify. Eight of the studio albums plus Editor’s Recommendation EP.

Mar 10th, 2010
Neil G

Ricardo,
I’ve been checking Spotify for HMHB on and off for the last year. Why no Saucy Haulage Ballads, I wonder?

Mar 10th, 2010
Chris The Siteowner

Interestingly, the three albums not available on Spotify (Back Again…, McIntyre… and Four Lads…) are also the three which are not available on eMusic. And both sources have the same solitary EP. I can’t work out what the connection between the “missing” records is. Song rights? Adult content? I can’t imagine what it might be.

Mar 10th, 2010
John Anderson

Teenage Eskimo

Mar 11th, 2010